At the first mention of "percheron" I figured it was an expensive something I'd never see in the real world and passed it by. At the second mention I decided I had better look it up and it made the first mention that much funnier and also made me feel a little ashamed I didn't know what it was in the first place. RIP Spaniel, at any rate.
True story from a surgeon I met who was asked to testify in criminal proceedings regarding a similar 'perforation'. A southern suburban housewife on a girls' vacay had hooked up with a shady, stock 'Florida Man' character in Key West. After passing out in a drug fueled haze they had forgotten having inserted a first 'device' and added a second. They pass out again and in the morning she's stone dead. Florida Man decides it's a great idea to borrow her purse to hash out disposal plans over breakfast at Denny's with a confederate. He was caught and charged with murder in the first degree.
Sophomore year at Miami? Man, that Jack fellow started LATE! I started my freshman year at sure-as-hell-not-Miami with a ring on my finger and a child in my arms!
I really like how A.A. (under influence perhaps?) twisted current reality by modeling all three of these off of the current Large American Sedans, IE light duty pickup trucks.
A.A. also penned (moused?) my favorite rendering ever, a NASCAR-style Buick Roadmaster Estate. This is the photo which would accompany my "I wouldn't tell anyone if I won the lottery, but there would be signs" meme. He's got a true knack for this stuff, glad he's still getting paid for it. Maybe next you can do an A.A. versus A.I. article and have us all guess which were made by robots.
My Uncle keeps my grandparents' cherry LT1-powered B-Body in excellent repair, and I'm angling to grab it from him someday.
I'd love a world where race car paddocks were filled with Fleetwood tow pigs. As recently as 1996, you could get a sedan with a 7,000lb tow rating and 24 highway MPGs with just 4 cast iron gears to transmit Optispark power out the back.
I daydream about a modernized Box Caprice with a pre-AFM 5.3L LS and 4l60E and a general going-through of the suspension, aux input and modestly upgraded stereo hiding behind the OE faceplate. Find a wheel and tire package that gives more grip without looking or riding like a dumb "pro-touring" car. The "bubble" B-bodys don't do it for me at all, interiors especially. I'd f*ck with a bubble roadmaster wagon or Fleetwood if it weren't for the interiors.
Swapping junkyard ironblock truck motors into B and G bodys is a dime-a-dozen thing these days, but mostly for rough and ready drag cars and donks. But to make a true fully functioning (A/C, power steering, etc) "OEM+" style build (like Jack's Milan) would be really neat to see. I bet my Suburban's bone stock 5.3 with its 295hp/335ft-lbs would move along very nicely in a ~3900lb Box Chevy even with some modest 3.08 gears and get mid 20s mpg highway without trying too hard.
I'm even thinking beyond "fully functioning" into custom suspension work, again like Jack did with the Milan. You might need some chassis bracing and some thought about the brake system too.
A 5.3 and six-speed does sound like just the right powertrain.
Yeah I suspect you'd want to add bracing to stiffen up the frame and body to make it feel tighter. The cool thing is that we're not dreaming up some totally crazy custom-fab type of thing, there are a SLEW of vendors catering to guys upgrading suspension/chassis on B/G body GMs. Here in Indy it's "Southside Machine Performance," really cool outfit.
The only thing more tragic than the loss of the full size (and mid size) rear wheel drive sedan is the loss of the mid and full size rwd (and to an extent fwd) coupes that used to exist on every street. I know I know, market changes, CAFE, blah blah. I don't care. Give me a Impala coupe, Grand Prix, Cougar, Riviera.... I'm not sure history will repeat itself again while I'm still alive. It seems like we're rewinding to the dawn of the automobile with everything being a tall two box design so who is to say the personal luxury coupe and the full size sedan won't be back in 50 years?
Considering how desperately some manufacturers want to reinvent themselves as "mobility" companies, we'll be lucky if it survives half as long as that.
I’ll take the Dodge. These renderings show that in the real world, only Dodge knows how to design a good front end or grill these days. GM and Ford are hopeless (in more ways than one).
The rear quarter of the Dodge looks like a scaled-up Spirit/Acclaim/LeBaron to me.
I'm in the minority that's warmed up to the Silverado's styling, just in time for Chevy to muck it up even more with the refresh. And Ford seems to have no idea how to evolve their styling language beyond the same silly Tonka grilles they've been using for over a decade.
I always knew that the horsepower would get me, in the end.
"If one day speed kills me, don’t cry because I was smiling."
At the first mention of "percheron" I figured it was an expensive something I'd never see in the real world and passed it by. At the second mention I decided I had better look it up and it made the first mention that much funnier and also made me feel a little ashamed I didn't know what it was in the first place. RIP Spaniel, at any rate.
I had only to look up at the Percheron.
The Percheron was perched upon thee in a manner most intimate!
Yikes! 🤢
I, too, had to look Percheron up.
I knew a horse logger in the 80's who used a pair of percherons to skid logs.
Man, those beasts were strong!
True story from a surgeon I met who was asked to testify in criminal proceedings regarding a similar 'perforation'. A southern suburban housewife on a girls' vacay had hooked up with a shady, stock 'Florida Man' character in Key West. After passing out in a drug fueled haze they had forgotten having inserted a first 'device' and added a second. They pass out again and in the morning she's stone dead. Florida Man decides it's a great idea to borrow her purse to hash out disposal plans over breakfast at Denny's with a confederate. He was caught and charged with murder in the first degree.
"This here's my pride and joy, Speed."
Fuck all these cars if I can't get a 6 speed
Make mine a three on the tree, which would match the carburetor they'd have absent CAFE.
Sophomore year at Miami? Man, that Jack fellow started LATE! I started my freshman year at sure-as-hell-not-Miami with a ring on my finger and a child in my arms!
I really like how A.A. (under influence perhaps?) twisted current reality by modeling all three of these off of the current Large American Sedans, IE light duty pickup trucks.
A.A. also penned (moused?) my favorite rendering ever, a NASCAR-style Buick Roadmaster Estate. This is the photo which would accompany my "I wouldn't tell anyone if I won the lottery, but there would be signs" meme. He's got a true knack for this stuff, glad he's still getting paid for it. Maybe next you can do an A.A. versus A.I. article and have us all guess which were made by robots.
So Spaniel went out like Catherine the Great, did he?
Hey, love is love.
https://galeri3.uludagsozluk.com/167/may-the-horse-be-with-you_208287.gif
Why isn't Abimelec Arellano in charge of styling for.... gee, anybody that wants to sell a huge number of cars?
My Uncle keeps my grandparents' cherry LT1-powered B-Body in excellent repair, and I'm angling to grab it from him someday.
I'd love a world where race car paddocks were filled with Fleetwood tow pigs. As recently as 1996, you could get a sedan with a 7,000lb tow rating and 24 highway MPGs with just 4 cast iron gears to transmit Optispark power out the back.
Progress I guess.
I daydream about a modernized Box Caprice with a pre-AFM 5.3L LS and 4l60E and a general going-through of the suspension, aux input and modestly upgraded stereo hiding behind the OE faceplate. Find a wheel and tire package that gives more grip without looking or riding like a dumb "pro-touring" car. The "bubble" B-bodys don't do it for me at all, interiors especially. I'd f*ck with a bubble roadmaster wagon or Fleetwood if it weren't for the interiors.
I agree with you 100% on box v. bubble.
It's a fun exercise to think about how you could take a box and make it into something that would be a practical and enjoyable driver in 2022.
Swapping junkyard ironblock truck motors into B and G bodys is a dime-a-dozen thing these days, but mostly for rough and ready drag cars and donks. But to make a true fully functioning (A/C, power steering, etc) "OEM+" style build (like Jack's Milan) would be really neat to see. I bet my Suburban's bone stock 5.3 with its 295hp/335ft-lbs would move along very nicely in a ~3900lb Box Chevy even with some modest 3.08 gears and get mid 20s mpg highway without trying too hard.
That would be delightful to see.
I'm even thinking beyond "fully functioning" into custom suspension work, again like Jack did with the Milan. You might need some chassis bracing and some thought about the brake system too.
A 5.3 and six-speed does sound like just the right powertrain.
Yeah I suspect you'd want to add bracing to stiffen up the frame and body to make it feel tighter. The cool thing is that we're not dreaming up some totally crazy custom-fab type of thing, there are a SLEW of vendors catering to guys upgrading suspension/chassis on B/G body GMs. Here in Indy it's "Southside Machine Performance," really cool outfit.
This is great! Sad and funny at the same time.
The only thing more tragic than the loss of the full size (and mid size) rear wheel drive sedan is the loss of the mid and full size rwd (and to an extent fwd) coupes that used to exist on every street. I know I know, market changes, CAFE, blah blah. I don't care. Give me a Impala coupe, Grand Prix, Cougar, Riviera.... I'm not sure history will repeat itself again while I'm still alive. It seems like we're rewinding to the dawn of the automobile with everything being a tall two box design so who is to say the personal luxury coupe and the full size sedan won't be back in 50 years?
Let's hope personal transportation, as a concept, survives that long.
well isn't that a depressing thought
Considering how desperately some manufacturers want to reinvent themselves as "mobility" companies, we'll be lucky if it survives half as long as that.
i hope in that time we get the spinners from blade runner at least
Know what the secret of the flying car is?
You have to be the only person who has one.
Well said.
"Currently residing in Los Angeles, Daniel loves The Real Housewives, four-door coupes, video games, and his two annoying cats."
So he’s eminently qualified to be a modern car writer.
His picture proves that sometimes, you CAN judge a book by it's cover.
I'll bet he's popular with the fat chicks.
While I'm sure they share a love for cats, I just don't think he has any interest in pussies.
Hey-O! 😂
What If's were one of my favorite things to read during your time at Hagerty, happy to see one making an appearance here!
I'd like to do more but Motor Trend has the young man pretty sewn up. They recognize a winner when they see one... sometimes.
In all seriousness, the somewhat dark fiction was incredibly enjoyable. But I'm also a sucker for a good Spaniel review.
Are there two Matt Hayes who subscribe?!?!?
Seems to be the case. Definitely seems to be the case.
There are DOZENS of us!
Our generation has nostalgia for the past we never had, which is enough of a bummer realization that knocking off early and having a drink seems wise.
If MT ever forces A.A. to illustrate a Lieberman story someone should go to prison.
Man, this just made me incredibly sad.
Can I live in this world instead?
A long time ago, I realized that I'd rather watch a sci fi movie than live in one.
Really funny read! Even funnier after I Googled Percheron.
Oh man, now I want that Dodge!
I’ll take the Dodge. These renderings show that in the real world, only Dodge knows how to design a good front end or grill these days. GM and Ford are hopeless (in more ways than one).
The rear quarter of the Dodge looks like a scaled-up Spirit/Acclaim/LeBaron to me.
I'm in the minority that's warmed up to the Silverado's styling, just in time for Chevy to muck it up even more with the refresh. And Ford seems to have no idea how to evolve their styling language beyond the same silly Tonka grilles they've been using for over a decade.
Sedanified half ton trucks look pretty good!
That's essentially what a crew cab Silverado, Ram or F150 is already.
To coin a phrase, ROFL! This is the funniest piece I've read in a long time...Zap! Zing! No one is spared...!