157 Comments
User's avatar
Scout_Number_4's avatar

I’d buy anyone of them!

Matt Hayes's avatar

What If's were one of my favorite things to read during your time at Hagerty, happy to see one making an appearance here!

Jack Baruth's avatar

I'd like to do more but Motor Trend has the young man pretty sewn up. They recognize a winner when they see one... sometimes.

Matt Hayes's avatar

In all seriousness, the somewhat dark fiction was incredibly enjoyable. But I'm also a sucker for a good Spaniel review.

MH's avatar

Are there two Matt Hayes who subscribe?!?!?

Matt Hayes's avatar

Seems to be the case. Definitely seems to be the case.

Jack Baruth's avatar

There are DOZENS of us!

Edwin in Tampa's avatar

Seconded. This series was among my favorites at Hagerty. (Which I haven’t visited since your departure, as there isn’t much new worth reading or viewing.)

Ataraxis's avatar

I loved how the “What If” commenters would lose their minds. “What are they thinking designing something like this?” or “They better not make this, it will be a failure!” Totally missing the point of the premise. Fiction or too real non-fiction was too much for that crowd.

Henry C.'s avatar

Imagine if they had actually read the vignettes as well.

Jack Baruth's avatar

When they did, they got VERY UPSET.

I used to try to put the most questionable stuff in the second half of each article, knowing a lot of them would get tired before then.

MD Streeter's avatar

Man, I loved those. I read the articles and skipped the comments on pretty much all of them. The only comments on them worth reading were at Riverside Green anyhow.

Dave Ryan's avatar

My favorite commenters were those that would complain that the ‘76 Mustang II (one of which they own) wasn’t mentioned in a feature about seven interesting Ferraris at a particular auction.

Sadly, this isn’t much of an exaggeration.

Phil's avatar

This is great! Sad and funny at the same time.

The only thing more tragic than the loss of the full size (and mid size) rear wheel drive sedan is the loss of the mid and full size rwd (and to an extent fwd) coupes that used to exist on every street. I know I know, market changes, CAFE, blah blah. I don't care. Give me a Impala coupe, Grand Prix, Cougar, Riviera.... I'm not sure history will repeat itself again while I'm still alive. It seems like we're rewinding to the dawn of the automobile with everything being a tall two box design so who is to say the personal luxury coupe and the full size sedan won't be back in 50 years?

Jack Baruth's avatar

Let's hope personal transportation, as a concept, survives that long.

User's avatar
Comment deleted
Oct 19, 2022
Comment deleted
Shaiyan Hossain's avatar

i hope in that time we get the spinners from blade runner at least

Ice Age's avatar

Know what the secret of the flying car is?

You have to be the only person who has one.

Phil's avatar

well isn't that a depressing thought

Pete Madsen's avatar

To coin a phrase, ROFL! This is the funniest piece I've read in a long time...Zap! Zing! No one is spared...!

Spaniel Felson's avatar

I always knew that the horsepower would get me, in the end.

Jack Baruth's avatar

"If one day speed kills me, don’t cry because I was smiling."

silentsod's avatar

"This here's my pride and joy, Speed."

MD Streeter's avatar

At the first mention of "percheron" I figured it was an expensive something I'd never see in the real world and passed it by. At the second mention I decided I had better look it up and it made the first mention that much funnier and also made me feel a little ashamed I didn't know what it was in the first place. RIP Spaniel, at any rate.

silentsod's avatar

I, too, had to look Percheron up.

Henry C.'s avatar

True story from a surgeon I met who was asked to testify in criminal proceedings regarding a similar 'perforation'. A southern suburban housewife on a girls' vacay had hooked up with a shady, stock 'Florida Man' character in Key West. After passing out in a drug fueled haze they had forgotten having inserted a first 'device' and added a second. They pass out again and in the morning she's stone dead. Florida Man decides it's a great idea to borrow her purse to hash out disposal plans over breakfast at Denny's with a confederate. He was caught and charged with murder in the first degree.

MJG's avatar

I knew a horse logger in the 80's who used a pair of percherons to skid logs.

Man, those beasts were strong!

Spaniel Felson's avatar

I had only to look up at the Percheron.

silentsod's avatar

The Percheron was perched upon thee in a manner most intimate!

seatosky's avatar

Why wouldn’t the world come full circle some day and give us sedanification of pickups and SUVs? I’d drive the hell out of that notch back F-150 sedan you’ve got there

Jack Baruth's avatar

For me the eye opener was attending the dealer preview of the 1997 F150 and hearing how they had benchmarked the Crown Vic for ride and handling, easily accomplishing the benchmarks. At that point I was like "why not use this platform for a new and better Vic?"

seatosky's avatar

The Expedition is one of my favorite vehicles only because it's probably the closest thing we can get to a ladder-frame sedan in 2022

C'est un nom de plume's avatar

Expedition is my go to rental car choice for this reason. National always has well equipped Limited’s in the aisle - they eat up miles, have a decent stereo and the radar cruise is great - occasionally a hotel won’t be able to valet them b/c they’re too tall for the garage, but otherwise no complaints.

danio's avatar

I have a Wagoneer in my stable at the moment. It's the modern estate. Highly recommended. The non-Grand specifically.

Jack Baruth's avatar

How's it compare to a Burb?

danio's avatar

It's the short wheelbase, so comparable in size to a Tahoe. A friend's wife who drives a '21 Tahoe noticed it so I offered to trade her for a few days. The interior surfaces, design and general HMI are nicer in the Wagoneer. It feels richer and more comfortable in a way that it should when spending this kind of money. The 5.7l hemi beats the 5.3L. I averaged about the same fuel economy in both, just under 20mpg.

I had a Grand Wagoneer for a while and while it was nice didn't feel worth the 40k premium. The 6.4L is faster, but doesn't feel appreciably so in such a large vehicle. It did average significantly worse fuel economy. While they're actually very different vehicles, the major noticeable are the 89 way massage seats, 2 extra center console screens (which take up good real estate) air suspension, power running boards and some wood interior trim.

I have an L model on order with the new twin turbo I6 that will compete directly with a Suburban/Yukon XL/Escalade. I took a brief ride with the new I6 HO and it rocks.

Nick H's avatar

My Uncle keeps my grandparents' cherry LT1-powered B-Body in excellent repair, and I'm angling to grab it from him someday.

I'd love a world where race car paddocks were filled with Fleetwood tow pigs. As recently as 1996, you could get a sedan with a 7,000lb tow rating and 24 highway MPGs with just 4 cast iron gears to transmit Optispark power out the back.

Progress I guess.

gt's avatar

I daydream about a modernized Box Caprice with a pre-AFM 5.3L LS and 4l60E and a general going-through of the suspension, aux input and modestly upgraded stereo hiding behind the OE faceplate. Find a wheel and tire package that gives more grip without looking or riding like a dumb "pro-touring" car. The "bubble" B-bodys don't do it for me at all, interiors especially. I'd f*ck with a bubble roadmaster wagon or Fleetwood if it weren't for the interiors.

MaintenanceCosts's avatar

I agree with you 100% on box v. bubble.

It's a fun exercise to think about how you could take a box and make it into something that would be a practical and enjoyable driver in 2022.

gt's avatar

Swapping junkyard ironblock truck motors into B and G bodys is a dime-a-dozen thing these days, but mostly for rough and ready drag cars and donks. But to make a true fully functioning (A/C, power steering, etc) "OEM+" style build (like Jack's Milan) would be really neat to see. I bet my Suburban's bone stock 5.3 with its 295hp/335ft-lbs would move along very nicely in a ~3900lb Box Chevy even with some modest 3.08 gears and get mid 20s mpg highway without trying too hard.

Jack Baruth's avatar

That would be delightful to see.

MaintenanceCosts's avatar

I'm even thinking beyond "fully functioning" into custom suspension work, again like Jack did with the Milan. You might need some chassis bracing and some thought about the brake system too.

A 5.3 and six-speed does sound like just the right powertrain.

gt's avatar

Yeah I suspect you'd want to add bracing to stiffen up the frame and body to make it feel tighter. The cool thing is that we're not dreaming up some totally crazy custom-fab type of thing, there are a SLEW of vendors catering to guys upgrading suspension/chassis on B/G body GMs. Here in Indy it's "Southside Machine Performance," really cool outfit.

Dave Ryan's avatar

Horrors! Nobody wants an internal combustion engined car! All (correct thinking) folks want a self driving SUV- ish EV.

I would go with the Ford, as long as it was available with a manual transmission and sans-touch screen crap.

User's avatar
Comment deleted
Oct 19, 2022
Comment deleted
Ataraxis's avatar

The new Cadillac Lyriq has the opening button for the glove box ON A SCREEN! And of course, it’s at least three steps to get to the right screen. Sadly, we are probably not yet at peak madness.

Ian Harrison (compaq deskpro)'s avatar

It was awful watching Doug Demuro swallow or cut out his signature criticisms when reviewing the Lyriq. Looks like GM's unholy "uniparty" connection got to him too. How can he open the hood, see a panel with a fireman's helmet on it, and not say a word?

Ataraxis's avatar

I saw that Ford’s PR reached out to Hoovie’s Garage after he did a video on the Ford Lightning’s laughable towing capacity. But to his credit he went on to further criticize the Lightning’s weak points in a follow up video.

Ian Harrison (compaq deskpro)'s avatar

I watched that, his test while dressed up as silliness does simulate a normal workday. Quality Youtubing. Half a tank of gas, need to pick up a Bobcat, transport it across town. I can envision a future where gigantic medium duty monsters with huge batteries that can tow for 200 miles that cost $150,000 are permitted to exist, and everybody else can take the bus. Maybe Jack will have to construct an aerodynamic baffle to tow his Radical?

Ice Age's avatar

"It was awful watching Doug DeMuro."

Shoulda stopped right there.

Ian Harrison (compaq deskpro)'s avatar

For a while, Doug was Motor Trend of old, the most connected but also so successful he could get away with criticism. As far as his videos go, he was 100% on filming every last detail of a car, including a lot of annoying infotainment behaviors that the consumer should know about before they're swept off their feet by a salesman. He's lately been slacking on that as his interests conflict, and his videos are now more for entertainment than educational. And yeah, the silly faces get old sometimes, but I think he's genuine.

Ice Age's avatar

The S650 Mustang looks like they took a chainsaw to the original dash in order to drop in a couple of iPads.

JMcG's avatar

I’ve come to the opinion that Ford designed the new Mustang to kill the brand. Camaro on the outside, Tesla on the inside. I’m very happy I got mine a couple of years ago.

-Nate's avatar

I'm sorry Dave, your sarcasm font seems to be broken .

-Nate

Dave Ryan's avatar

I didn’t know about a “sarcasm font”.

I could argue any font I’m using fits the definition.

PL Manhard's avatar

Why isn't Abimelec Arellano in charge of styling for.... gee, anybody that wants to sell a huge number of cars?

Fat Baby Driver's avatar

Sedanified half ton trucks look pretty good!

Ice Age's avatar

That's essentially what a crew cab Silverado, Ram or F150 is already.

Ataraxis's avatar

I’ll take the Dodge. These renderings show that in the real world, only Dodge knows how to design a good front end or grill these days. GM and Ford are hopeless (in more ways than one).

Ice Age's avatar

So Spaniel went out like Catherine the Great, did he?

Hey, love is love.

https://galeri3.uludagsozluk.com/167/may-the-horse-be-with-you_208287.gif

NoID's avatar

Sophomore year at Miami? Man, that Jack fellow started LATE! I started my freshman year at sure-as-hell-not-Miami with a ring on my finger and a child in my arms!

I really like how A.A. (under influence perhaps?) twisted current reality by modeling all three of these off of the current Large American Sedans, IE light duty pickup trucks.

A.A. also penned (moused?) my favorite rendering ever, a NASCAR-style Buick Roadmaster Estate. This is the photo which would accompany my "I wouldn't tell anyone if I won the lottery, but there would be signs" meme. He's got a true knack for this stuff, glad he's still getting paid for it. Maybe next you can do an A.A. versus A.I. article and have us all guess which were made by robots.

John Van Stry's avatar

Oh man, now I want that Dodge!

Slochetah's avatar

Really funny read! Even funnier after I Googled Percheron.