What If? Car And Steerer 2023 Full-Size Sedan Test

Featuring Abimelec Arellano!

Housekeeping: A few years ago I saw the conceptual work of Abimelec Arellano, a 20-year-old digital artist living in Mexico, and I immediately hired him for a series of about fifty imaginative articles called What If? in which he did the pictures and I did the words. Some of them were big hits and some of them were just self-indulgent silliness. After my departure Hagerty didn’t continue the relationship and A.A. went to Engine Fad, I mean, Motor Trend. Just to get the band back together again I paid him to come up with a few renderings of a concept that is near and dear to my heart. Without further ado…

(Originally published in Car and Steerer, October 2022 issue)

Maybe you haven’t noticed, but America is on a roll lately. President West solving the crisis in Eastern Europe without bloodshed, six straight years of low inflation and job growth… and let’s not forget the success of that follow-up manned mission to Mars! American cars are on a roll as well. President Reagan’s repeal of CAFE meant that the stunted little generation of FWD full-sized cars released by General Motors in 1984 could be quickly replaced by real family sedans with plenty of room, power, and value.

Since we last did this test (in July of 2017), the Big Three have all released new full-sizers. Chevrolet’s Biscayne is the oldest, having come out for the 2019 model year but with a facelift for the upcoming model year. The Dodge Diplomat hit the showrooms one year later. Ford released a new Galaxie at the same time, then released an update for 2022. Two of our three sedans are powered by advanced versions of their corporate pushrod V-8s, while the Galaxie sports quad overhead cams but less displacement than the competition. Our test consisted of a full week in the Southwest, letting these big dogs roam from Tuscon to Tucumcari. We’re still mourning the loss of editor Daniel Golson Spaniel Felson, who died from bowel perforation in an unfortunate incident involving a Percheron, a can of Crisco, and the soundtrack from Glee. This test is dedicated to his memory. Spaniel, you were the wind beneath our wings, and the line item beneath the body copy of our liability-insurance contract.

Third Place: Chevrolet Biscayne Premier

Price (base/as-tested): $37,995/$51,620

Highs: That engine, visibility, that engine.

Lows: Everything else.

Sum-Up: Like the Impala SS of old, this is a killer mill wrapped in a limp sausage.

Sometimes we wonder if GM’s heart is really in the big-sedan game. The General dominates in midsizers, where the Chevrolet Malibu continues to rule the sales roost over the Camry and Taurus, plus its “international size” platform that underpins both the Cadillac Seville and Olds Aurora is a recognized superstar. But the bread-and-butter family cars often feel hastily assembled.

Take our test Biscayne, which had the lowest base and as-tested prices in the test. It pulls like a Percheron (Barry, we all agreed we’d avoid that particular comparison for a while — Ed.) to a 13.3-second quarter-mile, thanks to its Corvette-derived 6.2-liter V-8 with 432 horsepower. That’s fastest in our test, and it feels even faster thanks to the fast-revving nature of the engine. Towing capacity is 8,000 pounds, also highest in test. Heck, fuel economy was also Top Of The Pops, at an observed 26.1 freeway mpg.

After that, however, it’s all downhill. The “Premier” interior looks and feels cheap. Chevy would clearly rather you spring for a Buick Electra — or the Biscayne’s more expensive showroom neighbor, the Caprice Classic. The infotainment seems a whole generation behind, as does the dashboard and switchgear. Rear seat room is the tightest in the test, and the classy trunkline also means that’s true for trunk space as well.

The base Biscayne, with the 3.6-liter V-6, is a better value — but then you don’t get the engine, which is the whole point of the exercise as far as we’re concerned. The very mild facelift performed this year across the model lineup adds a 12-inch LCD screen to the center console and tidies up the unfortunate looks of the nose but doesn’t go beyond that. The Biscayne continues to be Number Two in sales, behind the Galaxie… but unlike Avis, it’s not trying harder.

Second Place: Ford Galaxie LTD

Price (base/as-tested): $39,795/$56,100

Highs: Lightest, most responsive, all the details have been sweated.

Lows: Maybe we shoulda had a V-6?

Sum-Up: There’s a reason it’s the best-seller.

At just 4,345 pounds, the Galaxie LTD is no heavier than the “Panther” Fords of the early Eighties, despite the fact that it casts a slightly bigger shadow and includes everything from “Perfect Position” seats to a widescreen LCD for the rear passengers. Credit the all-aluminum construction, a first in domestic sedans and widely considered to be a moonshot when Ford tried it for the first time a decade ago.

Today, we expect that Fords will be all-aluminum. We also expect refinement, and in this area the LTD does not disappoint. With a rolling sound reading of 66 dB, it’s as quiet as the slightly longer Lincoln Continental Mark XI, and nearly as luxurious inside to boot. (Want more? The “Crown Victoria L” option package stretches the wheelbase and fills the interior with genuine walnut trim, making it a Continental sedan in everything but name, at a base price of $59,995.)

On the freeway heading towards Scottsdale, the Galaxie feels like a million bucks and sounds just as good, thanks to the B&O sound system. If only it had a little more power; the 4.2-liter version of Ford’s “Coyote” V-8 makes just 350 horses and they are all at the north end of the corral, explaining why we saw just 22.2 mpg in our test loop. Why not put the five-liter from the Mustang in the Galaxie? Likely because Ford is heavily engaged in its EcoBoost technology. The optional twin-turbo V-6 makes 450 horses, but it won’t be available until 2024. Know what? We’d wait.

You can’t go wrong with a Galaxie, even if you choose the humbler GL and LX variants. But it’s possible to go more right, and to do that you’ll need to try a different showroom.

First Place: Dodge Diplomat Limited

Price (base/as-tested): $38,995/$55,105

Highs: Makes the Imperial seem irrelevant; the finest interior seen in a mass-market American car in, like, forever.

Lows: Thirsty, heavy.

Sum-Up: As good as it gets.

Chrysler’s Imperial full-sizer is the belle of the ball lately. People rave about its interior styling, the tomb-like silence of the thing, the massive thrust from the 6.4-liter “Apache” HEMI V-8. Well, guess what, pal? If you’re willing to save fifteen grand, you can get the same thing in the generic label.

Looking almost BMW-like with its rakish nose and low trunk, the Diplomat is ready to negotiate you into (or out of) almost anything you’d like. The massive center touchscreen dominates the interior, providing everything from Microsoft TV+ to thundering Infinity surround sound. Despite cracking the two-and-a-half-ton mark with ease, the “Diplo” runs a 13.9 in the quarter before slamming into a speed limiter at the 118 mark. (This won’t be popular in the states that have no speed limits, like Montana and New Jersey.)

On the move, the big Dodge seems immune to creaks and rattles. The trunk is wide, long, and deep, effortlessly swallowing a ten-speed bike with the front wheel removed. The full-length glass sunroof can dim for individual passengers. The only things you’re missing from the Imperial are: Mark Cross leather, full wool shag carpeting, the forged-carbon-fiber interior trim, and the “Natural Language Processing” from Elonco that allows you and your Imperial to converse naturally about everything from the news to the climate control.

Which makes the $55,105 tab on our test Diplomat seem reasonable. That gets you the 6.4L HEMI, the corduroy seats, plus the fancy glass roof. Forget being the best family sedan on the road — this thing is dammed close to being the best luxury sedan on the road, too, and that’s why it won.

Counterpoint

As Editor-in-Chief of Car and Steerer, I’m usually too busy drinking wine in Tuscany to actually, you know, drive any cars. And when I do have time, I like to spend it focusing on my collection of forty-three vintage Bimmers, plus twelve vintage Beemers. (There’s a difference.) But these big sedans make my heart go BEEEEWOOOOPAAH! and that counts for something. Also, someone is shining a laser pointer on the wall, and it makes me want to attack it — Sam Smith

Keeping Barry away from the babysitters and blocking him from sending naked “selfies” to that one Asian lady in the corporate office any more has really improved his productivity, and it’s also a metaphor for what Ford has accomplished here with the Galaxie. They let Mercury handle the youth market, and they let Mazda run without interference. That makes the Galaxie great, and it makes the rest of Ford great as well — Arthur St. Csere

When you have four sons, like I do, and you’ve been married to their mother since sophomore year at Miami, you tend to value the peace and quiet that a good family sedan can create. So I have to cast my vote for the Diplomat as well. Now, in a world where I hadn’t settled down early and never left the suburbs for any reason, I could see the appeal of something besides a family sedan. Like a fancy truck for rural adventures, or a high-revving sports prototype for racing at the sharp end of the grid. But in the end, I’m just a fellow who spends his evenings playing catch with my boys and living modestly. That’s enough for me, and so is the Diplomat — Jack Baruth