Ask Jack: Replacing The Spare Fun Car?
Also, mourning the loss of a brilliant young museum curator
A bit of housekeeping: No fewer than twenty (20) people have sent me this article or others like it, regarding the Crawford Auto Museum’s surprise decision to shitcan Fat Brad Brownell for cause, with immediate effect. Many of you thought that I would actually be happy that Fat Brad lost his job, since he and his Car Twitter pals held a big rousing party online when the insurance company fired me last July. Do you think I’m some kind of monster?
In truth, I can’t wish harm on Fat Brad. He’s an odd duck, to be sure. Very prone to making Big Public Announcements that end up being Nothing Burgers. There was something about converting his Boxster to hybrid power, which he wrote about for years but did nothing to actually put into effect. He and his wife were going to live in a Scamp trailer for a year; that didn’t happen, which is probably good news for whoever would have had to clean said Scamp at the end of said year. God, imagine the smell. Like a cheese warehouse in Equatorial Guinea, four months after the A/C breaks.
He once wrote an article saying that he was “all in on EV” and that he was going to sell every gas-powered car he owned. Six months later he sold his EV and bought more gas cars. Brad frequently cosplayed being a socialist and social-justice activist on social media, ranting about LANDLORDS, but when the insurance company bought Sadwood for comedy money (and hired everybody but him) he used his nut to buy a literal million dollars’ worth of Cleveland slum-lord real estate while turning his duplex in Reno into a rental, thus immediately becoming the worst example of the people he’d tirelessly criticized for years in public.
(There’s distinguished precedent for this sort of post-poverty hypocrisy, actually; when David E. Davis became a millionaire he promptly bought a used Ferrari, much to the surprise of his readers who had endured many a tirade regarding the limp-dicky nature of the Pininfarina 308 and its successors.)
Along the way, Fat Brad performed a home invasion of sorts on a trans woman and verbally assaulted her. Then he got kicked off Twitter or X or whatever for telling people to drink bleach and also threatening to burn Detroit to the ground. He alternates between grandiose braggadocio and cellar-dweller self-loathing, which when combined with the inability to follow through on anything tends to be an indicator of mild, but usually treatable, mental illness.
I’ve been told that the Crawford job fell apart because he was using the Museum inventory as a loaner-car fleet and also he was saying a bunch of weird stuff. Who knows. He also Tweeted that he was going to beat me up, which I saved and forwarded to my attorney in case I ever run into Bradley and he suffers some accidental harm attempting to make that happen. Everybody thought I should forward the aforementioned threat to Crawford but I’d like to believe that the difference between me and the Brownell/Lieberman/Berk crowd is that I don’t need to get other people fired in order to make my abysmal writing and driving look better by contrast. I was raised to welcome competition, not stifle it.
Well, you can’t keep a fellow like Brad down — literally, I think he floats in most liquids. So here’s hoping he gets the help he needs, finds some peace in this world, and maybe lands at a job well-suited to his talents, like, uh, I don’t know, “borrowing” another car show idea from his best friend and keeping all the money for himself when he sells it to stupid people. Keep thriving, champ!
And now for our main event
I got a great Ask Jack a few days ago, from a reader who has spend a lot of thoughtful time pondering the topic. I’ll excerpt the major parts here:
After totaling my '08 M3 coupe, I'm in a position to contribute to Ask Jack sooner than expected… Budget is $30k. Want to replace an e92 m3 with something that makes local errands and occasional weekend trips fun. I live on the East Coast with my wife and two-year-old son. I work remotely. I don't have great driving roads near me. Any roads of interest are also populated by cyclists and police. I have never driven on a track, and the time demands of a toddler make that unlikely anytime soon. I do have a scenic town with access to a drive-on beach. Wife has the family car ('16 X5) and I also have an '05 Tundra double cab for the beach, backup kid hauler, and suburban truck tasks.
Replacement candidates below, in likely order. Manual transmission is strongly preferred. Leaning toward a convertible.
NC Miata - Drove a 2014 club with the soft top
JK Wrangler - plenty of seat time from rentals, mostly in four door models
B8 S5 - drove an auto transmission S5 during the last purchase decision that ended with the M3
B7 RS4 - my closest experience is a B7 S4 test drive
BMW M235i coupe - no experience
SN197 Mustang GT convertible w/Coyote - no experience
C6 Corvette coupe w/LS3 - no experience
Fiat 500 Abarth convertible - no experience
Sidebar - V8 LR4s can be had cheap. There is one in town listed for under $10k! Are they that bad? I kinda want one, even though I have no use case for it and it won't fit in the garage.
Alright, Adam, let’s take a look at these ideas, which were fleshed out to considerable detail in your email. I’ll go from what I think is the worst idea to the best.
Fiat 500 Abarth convertible: I love these cars but at this point they are best left to people who know and understand them very well.
B7 RS4: The convertible version is quite lovely. But it won’t be fast when compared to your old M3, and you will likely have serious expenses involved in its maintenance and operation. These are holy grail cars for Real Audi People. I don’t think you’re one of those.
B8 S5: Again, slow compared to your old car, and also expensive to run. The only one worth owning IMO is the six-speed V8 like I had in 2009, but it will always feel like a slug to you.
JK Wrangler: You have two trucks already. If you didn’t have the Tundra, I’d move this up the list a bit, particularly in manual-transmission form.
BMW M235i: After having a V-8 M3, which I think was probably the pinnacle of that nameplate, driving this would be like… uh, spending a year with a 250-pound woman in a Scamp trailer. It’s cramped, nobody thinks it’s attractive, and it’s not going anywhere in a big hurry.
Land Rover LR4: You have two trucks! But I let this one crawl up the order because it would be a fun project and you can do all sorts of stuff to it within your budget. Maybe what you really want is an M3-powered Discovery:
S197 Coyote droptop: These are a genuine joy to own, drive, look at, sit in, cruise in, you name it. You note that you’re not a track rat and aren’t likely to be, so the Flexi-Flyer nature of the chassis and lack of ROPS would be no impediment to your enjoyment of the vehicle. This car is a true modern classic. Now here’s the heresy for you: don’t totally discount the early 4.6 cars. They have the cleanest, most show-car look available, and you can put a supercharger on them for five grand.
Alright, those are the also-rans. There are two cars at the top of this pop chart, and they’re worthy of equal consideration.
C6 Corvette LS3: Fifty years from now, nobody will believe that you could buy a car like this for what they cost. Stock, they are cross-country comfortable. With ten grand of work in them, you have you choice of beating Aventadors in a straight line or beating Huracans around a road course. Parts are cheap. Knowledge is plentiful. It’s faster than your M3 by about 5mph in the trap, just bone stock, even with the automatic. What’s not to like? Oh, they’re a hassle to park, the electronics can be annoying, and you’ll have to hear a lot of bullshit about New Balances and cargo shorts from people who drive 15-second Subarus.
NC Miata: Out here at Turn 7 Farm, we are big fans of the NC Miata. The infamous Danger Girl is an SCCA Majors winner, NASA regional champion, and AER class winner in her ex-Playboy MX-5 Cup car, and has run many a tidy lap in her Blackbird Fabworx 2014 NC Club. It’s the best Miata for six-footers. It is far, far sturdier and better-engineered than the NA and NB, both of which have their engineering roots in the early Eighties, while the NC is simply a cut-wheelbase RX-8. You can’t kill them. They last forever. Because the engine is common to everything Ford put out on the street between 2006 and 2016, you can get parts at every AutoZone. They’re not too fast to be enjoyable on the street, but they can be easily made faster via a supercharger. Should you ever decide to compete in some form of motorsports, you will find the NC Miata has a class pretty much everywhere. What’s not to like? They’re a bit cramped compared to an M3, the engine sounds like a lawn mower, and you’ll have to hear a lot of bullshit about being a super-gay hairdresser from people who drive 15-second Subarus.
I don’t think you could go wrong with the Corvette or the Miata. The Mustang would also be fun. Most of the other stuff on your list would be thrilling for the average driver, but being a previous M3 owner would likely dampen your ardor for 13-second cars with buttons that wear to a sort of milky opacity.
I suspect the ACF Juice Crew will have some suggestions over and above your list. I have just one; a fifth-generation Camaro SS. If you can live with the worrisome external visibility, they are great cars, and always better on track than the equivalent Mustang. You also get Coyote power for 3-valve money.
We’ll close with some doggerel for Friday:
There once was a fat scamp in Cleveland named Brad
At writing and driving, he was worse than bad
He ran a museum
But now you won’t see him
Abusing their cars anymore — and that’s rad!
As your regular purveyor of cheap thrill, white trash hot rods and oft lamented fun machines; I’ve fortunately experience across the board here.
1. The convertible S197 + chassis car is easily the best variant of mustangs ever built, ESPECIALLY from an open air perspective. The suspension is legitimately good, the chassis doesn’t require subframe connectors or external support, and the 8.8 rears come stock with 31 spline axles and carbon clutches.
If purchasing a 4.6 3v car I HIGHLY recommend a 2009 if you want the early body style. The 09 is a standalone year for cylinder head changes that include cam follower upgrades and do NOT require a 2 piece spark plug. They also have the best drive by wire system. I cannot remember if they got the internal changes that the bullit received, but the 10 cars did. This includes beefier connecting rods and a special intake manifold. The upper end of the safe limit on a blown 3v is approximately 460rwhp. The Bullit and 10 cars can sustain 500.
Caveats being cam phasers on all. A perk is both 3v models use a 3550 transmission that although not as aggressively geared, is actually superior to the MT82.
The trunk opening is rather small given the available space. The rear seats don’t fold.
I had a coupe making 462rwhp with an intercooled v3 Si on a measly 8.5 psi. The 3v at the time made the most power per psi of any modular. I lived around the cars for years. They can easily be made into killer track weapons for any arena. Get a vented hood and or pull the weatherstrip if going very fast. Leave your grills unaltered. Stock clutches won’t take boost. PD > centrifugal if doing it again with the lower imposed redlines.
2. C6... Oh down the corvette rabbit hole I have fallen. I’ve owned a c5 coupe for over 10 years now, coming after selling said 3v and a brief stint with an 02 WS6 (wish I’d kept). At the time there were only c5 and c6 available and I greatly preferred the feel of the c5 and lamented the c6 interior and their Malibu / Cobalt feel. That said but what you like. Underneath they are literally near identical with around a 75% direct carryover in the early cars.
Skipping the c5 garble (buy an 01-03 only); the Ls3 - 2008 + c6 is absolutely the one to purchase. I wouldn’t be allowed to be swayed otherwise. You’ll also benefit from the tr6060. A z51 or GS will get you c5z styled gearing. This is great n/a and not so much with a power adder, so keep an end goal in mind.
All GS manual cars are dry sump and offer the much needed trans coolers that that c6z shares.
It is fairly easy to make @450 whp with a cam only ls3. Yes you can make more, 500 with ported heads but the super aggressive cams aren’t valve train friendly over time. The LS3 is still the best LS to build from in terms of boost or general longevity without getting into ls7 pitfalls.
The stock clutches and hydraulics are trash. Get a GOOD twin disc. That alone will keep fluids cleaner.
As noted you can make them into anything. With boost they will crush 600whp without haste. They still suffer from thinner ring lands and since mine just ate the #7 I’d take that slope with a grain of caution. A measly cammed and stock headed 03 LS1, I was making 642rwhp - it’s a lot. Probably too much for general street use despite what the internet says.
A very basic ls3 car with good cooling mods / suspension/ brakes would be near ultimate from a metrics standpoint.
Large and useful trunk and comically sized storage in the coupes. Can’t take your kid.
Steering and feedback is rather numb. Grip is there. Cars are super soft and grandpa friendly stock.
3. NC. I’ve only piloted a lightly modified NC PRHT with some Flyin’ goodies - I REALLY should have purchased that car in retrospect. It was noticeably roomier than my NB and bigger person friendly.
My NB had a FM II suspension beneath with a handful of bracing, bars, big rubber and decent brakes. It also wore an intercooled JRSC m45 with the ‘high boost’ pulley configuration. It was SO. MUCH. FUN. At @200whp it was a lower/mid 13 second car that was constant smiles. The feedback and the noises along with the ability to wring it out at will without dying or being instantly arrested with a 5 star GTA wanted level made it a wonderful street car.
The chassis was NOT great. This is where a blown NC would really shine. Phenomenal feedback, ability to make more power and far more robust driveline.
Cons - every Miata joke ever. Pride parades, limited storage, hot trunk (maybe not in an NC?) and no room for kids.
Super duper reliable fun if you can make it work for you and much lighter on the wallet. I am very heavily leaning towards a WHITE NC club with forced induction as a next toy; pending an ND doesn’t do it or I buy an s/c’d Elise. Sidenote: I drove my NB back to back with an Exige and actually preferred the Miata. Crazy talk I know.
4. Buy a Viper. Reasons: Yes.
Jack, you appear to have overlooked the time that Butterfinger BB had a health scare on his flight and became committed to a vegetarian or vegan lifestyle, or at least performatively so on Twitter. That ended swiftly.
As for the $30K car question … I think the E9X M3 platform is the way to go here, irrespective of whether you owned one beforehand! The B7 RS4 is a karaoke version of the contemporary M3, so that would be a disappointment (they are rarer, however).