He should take the buyer that offered $3k to the nearest strip club and spend $500 in $2 and $20 bills convincing said buyer to follow through with the deal. Panic braking in front of random 18-wheelers is also an option
Decades ago when a close friend was going through a bitter divorce with his crazy wife, a neighbor knocks on his door one night to say “I think your car is on fire.” He grabs a 5 iron and runs outside, and sure enough there’s a flaming gas can under a rear tire. He unwisely uses the 5 iron to move the gas can, but luckily it doesn’t explode.
The Chicago Police Bomb Squad comes out the next day. He tells them he’s going through a bitter divorce. They just nod.
No tolerance for entropic despair: He told us he doesn’t have the stomach to deal with the car when it’s broken, and older cars are always broken-there is always something that needs attention and
Outta Tyme:
No time to wrench.
You need both time and the mental fortitude to abide a driveway paperweight if you want to dance the Cuban Tango.
I would donate it and take the tax write-off. Zero liability.
If you haven’t sent a box of Cat Tales to Sydney Sweeney yet, what are you waiting for? She’s not gonna give you a jacket blurb for the 2nd Edition or join the Track Club if she doesn’t know that you are a sensitive and cuddly cat loving modern man! Be sure to include your Amazon author photo.
Our church has a program where you can donate a car and volunteer mechanics fix it. They then give it to single moms and others in need of reliable transportation.
If you know a mechanic with a strong stomach and a loyal kid about to start driving, you should unload it on them. It will upset said mechanic'a wife but it will work out in the end. Might work best if you're in a small town where everyone knows everyone else.
I’ve donated no less than 3 vehicles to charity over the years because I can’t pass something I know is problematic off to anybody, whether I know them or not.
Something like this, though? This is special(ish), or at least “special(ish) adjacent” to… somebody.
I’d sell “as is” with a full disclosure of every issue to someone equally captivated with the IDEA of what the car should/could/will (never) be, for whatever that guy is willing to give.
I’d make sure there was no chance I’d ever see or hear about it again. The buyer has to be from somewhere else.
"In my world, it’s perfectly legitimate to enrage one’s wife for a vehicle that really turns your proverbial crank, like a Suzuki SV1000 or Lexus LS430, just to name two completely random examples. It’s less advisable to enrage one’s wife for an old Honda GL1200 or Lexus ES3002, just to provide two more chosen-from-the-air vehicles."
is some painfully honest writing. Just a LITTLE too close to home.
"It might be a wonky Totally Integrated Power Control Module"
"There is a parasitic drain on the battery."
possible for these to be related?
"Or maybe just put them in the rear, leave the factory struts up front, and deal with the resulting understeer tendencies on track"
is it not possible to swap a swaybar or two to make it rotate properly?
"Or, what should I do?"
post it everywhere including avenger specific forums (surely those exist) and prepare yourself to not get every cent you wanted for it which is a shame for such a clean car
I didn't love that the dealer forgot to put oil back in it after a simple service and the car's systems are so damn retarded that they didn't throw an oil light. Believe it or not that thing ran just fine with only the lifters ticking as I was heading up a mountain with some enthusiasm to make me realize something wasn't wrong. Clearly they did not fully drain it but it was still so low that after adding two quarts there was still no oil visible on the dipstick. I don't know how the thing was running.
I also didn't love that going down the highway I looked down at my speed on Interstate 81 and saw that I was doing 140 mph...which seemed odd to me as I was closing on a semi ahead, but nowhere near fast enough to be 140. I looked up and looked back down and I was doing 40. Which also seemed inaccurate as I was still closing on the semi at the same rate.
Then the radio turned off and every gauge on the dash began flipping their indicator needles left and right as fast as possible. The car ran normally, but everything inside the cabin acted as if possessed by some lost soul who wanted me to solve their long cold murder or something.
I had just clicked over 60,000 miles. I took these as signs from the merciful Lord that I should procure a different car with all speed. That turned into a 2013 Accord Sport with a manual.
My experience with Chrysler products...and there's been a bunch of them, unfortunately...has been that there's never *a* problem to deal with. They travel in packs and when you think you're getting through the ones you can see the other ones you can't attack you.
"When you take your car in for an oil change, you don't know if they've done a bad job. Whereas if you do it yourself, you're sure."
- Red Green
I'm currently trying to exorcise Sirius XM from my Colorado. I'm down to pulling individual wires out of specific electrical connectors at this point. I want it fucking gone.
I HATE Sirius XM. All the music I want's either undiscovered on YouTube or already in my files. I don't listen to podcasts, I don't care to hear star quarterback Nyquillus Dillwad mumble his way through a post-Super Bowl interview with Sports Reporter Babe and I sure as hell don't want to hear Word One about that Godless pervert Howard Stern, who says frank things to his audience that a person with a sense of shame would be hesitant to mention to their therapist.
remove the new front struts and tires - sell them on FB Marketplace.
either donate remaining car to charity, or park it in a bad part of town, remove the plates, leave the keys in it, and claim it on insurance as stolen.
I don't mean to be rude with this comment, but as long as the heat works, I would offer the value of that amplifier in cash, with the caveat that my intentions are to just drive it as is, and maybe fix the issues most pressing to me as time and budget allows. I do have bigger overall vehicular plans this year, but a fuel efficient comfy sedan would be a welcome addition to the fleet. Sounds like it could still run 45 miles a day if your standards are as low as mine!
Long ago, I had beater Jeep Comanche manual that had no heat for the better part of a Buffalo winter. I managed. But I was young and dumb.
I once had a coworker who HATED scraping frost from his windshield in the morning. His wife parked in their frost free one-car garage, so he got the driveway spot. To solve his Scraping Hate affliction, he would turn off the heater and open windows 10 minutes before arriving home. It annoyed him that he couldn't do this when driving his wife and/or kids.
Why he shared, somewhat enthusiastically, his No Heat / Open Windows process with coworkers was odd. I mean, it does work. I've done testing. But admit to it?
The amp is tempting, and it *could* replace my lacquer tweed Hotrod Delux. But I haven't played in over three years and my chops have suffered greatly as a result. But maybe when I am 70-years-old, my kids have moved out, and I actually do have time to play again, the Heritage may come in handy. Actually check that: by that time I'll be riddled with arthritis and my hands will be as dexterous as the grab claw of one of those win-a-stuffed animal games.
I gave it to a dipshit kid, our newest crew member, in exchange for labor on the Radical. Which he did exceptionally poorly, and ruined the engine to the point that it needs a full $8000 trip to KWS. I don't know if it's currently running. I DO know that the title is somewhere in the barn and I am expending zero energy looking for it.
He should take the buyer that offered $3k to the nearest strip club and spend $500 in $2 and $20 bills convincing said buyer to follow through with the deal. Panic braking in front of random 18-wheelers is also an option
Most of the 18 wheelers have dash cams now…
Whatever happend to "snitches get stiches?"
An insufficient number actually got stitches, so everyone realized it was a catchphrase for gormless posturing yoots.
Drive it to Minneapolis and leave the keys in it.
With a gas can on the hood.
Nice touch.
/chef's kiss
Decades ago when a close friend was going through a bitter divorce with his crazy wife, a neighbor knocks on his door one night to say “I think your car is on fire.” He grabs a 5 iron and runs outside, and sure enough there’s a flaming gas can under a rear tire. He unwisely uses the 5 iron to move the gas can, but luckily it doesn’t explode.
The Chicago Police Bomb Squad comes out the next day. He tells them he’s going through a bitter divorce. They just nod.
A guy I know told me he has a resentment toward the local FD because they laughed when his ex put all of his stuff on the curb and set it on fire.
I’m not saying his ex wasn’t crazy but knowing him I can also see where maybe he brought it on himself.
It almost always takes two to tango, even if one is crazy and the other isn’t.
I don’t think it was their first break up, so my money is on both of them being crazy.
Is a charity auction an option? No dealing with buyers, gone quickly, no more expletive-laden effort. Unless cash is needed, of course.
The lower the credit score of the likely buyer, the higher the need to donate a car to a charity.
Even if I was capable of doing all the work described, I would not put the effort into this vehicle. Find a way to unload and don’t look back.
Take 3!
No tolerance for entropic despair: He told us he doesn’t have the stomach to deal with the car when it’s broken, and older cars are always broken-there is always something that needs attention and
Outta Tyme:
No time to wrench.
You need both time and the mental fortitude to abide a driveway paperweight if you want to dance the Cuban Tango.
Do you need a rose in your teeth?
I would donate it and take the tax write-off. Zero liability.
If you haven’t sent a box of Cat Tales to Sydney Sweeney yet, what are you waiting for? She’s not gonna give you a jacket blurb for the 2nd Edition or join the Track Club if she doesn’t know that you are a sensitive and cuddly cat loving modern man! Be sure to include your Amazon author photo.
2nd para is probably the best suggestion posted in the comments in a very long time.
If I knew her address, do you think I would use that knowledge to SEND HER A BOOK?
Yes. You are just an old married fart like most of us.
Well it is a great cover story.
I loved AI Sydney with the cat.
I think you spelled the "Snobes Conspiracy" artwork wrong.
I've recently started to think about that. Is ACF a registered charity?
Otherwise it's 1-877-KARS-FOR-KIDS
K-A-R-S KARS 4 Kids
Take the tax break
They had to hide the identities of the people who commissioned and wrote that song.
That's an accomplishment, when you actually drive you target demographic right past "WANTING to kill you" into "actually taking a run at it."
Do not donate to that charity, find a different one if you want to go that route.
Or ANY charity.
I like being generous, but I don't trust people who run professional charities. Except for churches.
And even churches you have to be mighty, mighty careful of…
The big ones, absolutely.
I don't trust megachurches. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop there.
Our church has a program where you can donate a car and volunteer mechanics fix it. They then give it to single moms and others in need of reliable transportation.
If you know a mechanic with a strong stomach and a loyal kid about to start driving, you should unload it on them. It will upset said mechanic'a wife but it will work out in the end. Might work best if you're in a small town where everyone knows everyone else.
As a man bred and buttered in a small town, who raised his kids in the SAME small town, who moved to the next small town over a few years back
... I'd recommend against selling it to anybody you know. This is a car best transferred to an anonymous stranger.
Who will most likely part it out.
Solid advice. I prefer to sell to and buy from strangers.
(Harold): "Dear Experts: What do you do with a car that's too wrecked to fix?"
(Dalton): "Obviously you gotta sell the pig."
(Harold): "That's kinda unethical."
(Red): "Well, you wouldn't sell it to anyone you know, would you Dalton?"
(Dalton): "Yeah, I would."
I’ve donated no less than 3 vehicles to charity over the years because I can’t pass something I know is problematic off to anybody, whether I know them or not.
Something like this, though? This is special(ish), or at least “special(ish) adjacent” to… somebody.
I’d sell “as is” with a full disclosure of every issue to someone equally captivated with the IDEA of what the car should/could/will (never) be, for whatever that guy is willing to give.
I’d make sure there was no chance I’d ever see or hear about it again. The buyer has to be from somewhere else.
"Why'd you let him go?! He tried to kill me!"
"Well, we could afford to lose the town murderer, or the man who met Andy Griffith. But not when they're the same guy."
Been on a Married With Children marathon recently, love it.
"A fat woman Godzilla'd her way into the shoe store and said she wanted something she'd feel comfortable in. I said, 'Try Wyoming!'"
A fat woman came into the shoe store today. She was so fat she had three smaller fat women orbiting around her...
That sounds like Jack
His kid seems like he's already set up for his car, though.
Yeah, I expect the Accord to carry him to the point where he buys the car he really wants with his pilot money.
The cars he really wants, based on our most recent conversation:
A) Van Diemen Formula Continental;
B) 2026 Camry XSE.
16?
That tracks.
Always liked the Avenger, fortunately I have no use for it….
I came for the comments. They have not disappointed.
Also, let the record state that:
"In my world, it’s perfectly legitimate to enrage one’s wife for a vehicle that really turns your proverbial crank, like a Suzuki SV1000 or Lexus LS430, just to name two completely random examples. It’s less advisable to enrage one’s wife for an old Honda GL1200 or Lexus ES3002, just to provide two more chosen-from-the-air vehicles."
is some painfully honest writing. Just a LITTLE too close to home.
It's out in the garage. That close enough for you?
"It might be a wonky Totally Integrated Power Control Module"
"There is a parasitic drain on the battery."
possible for these to be related?
"Or maybe just put them in the rear, leave the factory struts up front, and deal with the resulting understeer tendencies on track"
is it not possible to swap a swaybar or two to make it rotate properly?
"Or, what should I do?"
post it everywhere including avenger specific forums (surely those exist) and prepare yourself to not get every cent you wanted for it which is a shame for such a clean car
I think the electrical problems are related, it just makes sense
Mice.
I wouldn't bet against it.
I had a 2007 Charger. Loved that car.
I didn't love that the dealer forgot to put oil back in it after a simple service and the car's systems are so damn retarded that they didn't throw an oil light. Believe it or not that thing ran just fine with only the lifters ticking as I was heading up a mountain with some enthusiasm to make me realize something wasn't wrong. Clearly they did not fully drain it but it was still so low that after adding two quarts there was still no oil visible on the dipstick. I don't know how the thing was running.
I also didn't love that going down the highway I looked down at my speed on Interstate 81 and saw that I was doing 140 mph...which seemed odd to me as I was closing on a semi ahead, but nowhere near fast enough to be 140. I looked up and looked back down and I was doing 40. Which also seemed inaccurate as I was still closing on the semi at the same rate.
Then the radio turned off and every gauge on the dash began flipping their indicator needles left and right as fast as possible. The car ran normally, but everything inside the cabin acted as if possessed by some lost soul who wanted me to solve their long cold murder or something.
I had just clicked over 60,000 miles. I took these as signs from the merciful Lord that I should procure a different car with all speed. That turned into a 2013 Accord Sport with a manual.
My experience with Chrysler products...and there's been a bunch of them, unfortunately...has been that there's never *a* problem to deal with. They travel in packs and when you think you're getting through the ones you can see the other ones you can't attack you.
"When you take your car in for an oil change, you don't know if they've done a bad job. Whereas if you do it yourself, you're sure."
- Red Green
I'm currently trying to exorcise Sirius XM from my Colorado. I'm down to pulling individual wires out of specific electrical connectors at this point. I want it fucking gone.
I HATE Sirius XM. All the music I want's either undiscovered on YouTube or already in my files. I don't listen to podcasts, I don't care to hear star quarterback Nyquillus Dillwad mumble his way through a post-Super Bowl interview with Sports Reporter Babe and I sure as hell don't want to hear Word One about that Godless pervert Howard Stern, who says frank things to his audience that a person with a sense of shame would be hesitant to mention to their therapist.
remove the new front struts and tires - sell them on FB Marketplace.
either donate remaining car to charity, or park it in a bad part of town, remove the plates, leave the keys in it, and claim it on insurance as stolen.
I don't mean to be rude with this comment, but as long as the heat works, I would offer the value of that amplifier in cash, with the caveat that my intentions are to just drive it as is, and maybe fix the issues most pressing to me as time and budget allows. I do have bigger overall vehicular plans this year, but a fuel efficient comfy sedan would be a welcome addition to the fleet. Sounds like it could still run 45 miles a day if your standards are as low as mine!
Long ago, I had beater Jeep Comanche manual that had no heat for the better part of a Buffalo winter. I managed. But I was young and dumb.
I once had a coworker who HATED scraping frost from his windshield in the morning. His wife parked in their frost free one-car garage, so he got the driveway spot. To solve his Scraping Hate affliction, he would turn off the heater and open windows 10 minutes before arriving home. It annoyed him that he couldn't do this when driving his wife and/or kids.
Why he shared, somewhat enthusiastically, his No Heat / Open Windows process with coworkers was odd. I mean, it does work. I've done testing. But admit to it?
The amp is tempting, and it *could* replace my lacquer tweed Hotrod Delux. But I haven't played in over three years and my chops have suffered greatly as a result. But maybe when I am 70-years-old, my kids have moved out, and I actually do have time to play again, the Heritage may come in handy. Actually check that: by that time I'll be riddled with arthritis and my hands will be as dexterous as the grab claw of one of those win-a-stuffed animal games.
At least in my neck of NY (maybe a half hour west of Bennington VT) that's a $2000-$2500 car as-is.
Especially if you're in a state like VT (but not NY) that'll fail you on inspection if you've got much visible rust, this is worth fixing to someone.
Readers need to know if that old wing was able to run with the seafoam treatment or needed surgery?
I gave it to a dipshit kid, our newest crew member, in exchange for labor on the Radical. Which he did exceptionally poorly, and ruined the engine to the point that it needs a full $8000 trip to KWS. I don't know if it's currently running. I DO know that the title is somewhere in the barn and I am expending zero energy looking for it.
A tale of woe, an ignominious ending
Yeah. And much more frustrating now.
Kind of a murder-suicide, huh?
Oh... Oh fuck