Z Is For Zaino
There is, I believe, healing power in ritual.
Nobody understands the power of ritual in consumer product like the Zaino brothers of New Jersey, purveyors of plasticized automotive paint sealants. You do not simply use their product --- that wouldn't be powerful enough, special enough. If you could just apply Zaino products to any car at any time, then there would be no difference between Zaino and "car wax". You can wax your car with Zymol and then with Griots and then with Turtle Wax and you never need to worry about what you've done in the past. But with Zaino you must first become pure.
"Just this once," the instructions tell you, "wash your car with the blue Dawn dishwashing detergent so it is completely clean. Then put the Dawn back in the kitchen, because you will never use it again." It's a purification ritual, removing the grease and the oil and the other waxes. Like lowering a new lover into a steaming bath and scrubbing her clean from head to toe, removing the filth of every man who ever touched her --- or so you'd like to think. But in the case, it really works and my Boxster was once again clean, free of oil and filth. This is the second round of purification on the Boxster. From 2004 to 2009, I did my own Zaino detailing on it. Then other things intervened and I lost touch with its slick surfaces, lost touch with the feminine curve over the cooling vents, lost touch.
Today we purify again.
And when we are done, then we rub with the Z-18 Claybar, picking up contaminants, making those surfaces slick once more. It's been ten years since I took delivery of this car and those have been ten hard years. Thousands of miles on race tracks, thousands more miles getting there and going nowhere, suffering endless distractions on the road. Nearly forty-nine thousand miles. This is far from a new car. Nonetheless, I rub it from top to bottom with the Z-18 Claybar.
Once upon a time, we'd have gone straight to the Z-2 Polish at this point. Then the Zaino brothers changed the catechism and we went to Z-PC Fusion before the Z-2. Today, it's Z-AIO, the All In One preparation. Rub it on from nose to tail, permit to dry for an hour, remove.
It's ritual. Drug addicts become as addicted to the ritual as they are to the drug. We need rituals and if the church that provided them has been discredited by David Hume and Jon Stewart then we will create these rituals elsewhere. Time for the next ritual.
Using a virginal container, an untouched and pure plastic squeeze bottle, mix four ounces or so of Z-2, pink in color, with a single blue drop of ZFX Fusion Accelerator. The blue drop sits alone in the pink fluid, not mixing, a chemical accelerant and separatist. Shake until the mix is right. Wait five minutes, shake again.
Four coats of Z-2, separated by half an hour of dry time and a rub down with a white towel. Then one final coat of Z-5, the adulterated formula, the shiny scratch filler. Then rub clean the last time. Spray with Z-8, which replaced Z-6, the former benediction, a tradition now mostly, as they say, honored in the breach. Rub with a new and pure cotton cloth.
Total time: approximately four hours of work spread out across twenty hours.
I'm mostly satisfied with the results. The paint is slick although I think the now-discredited Z-PC got it smoother than Z-AIO. There is the famous Zaino artificial dipped in glass look, like the Paul Reed Smith V12 finish. Only the nose still looks bad. It's had a 3M plastic bra on it since it was new. I spent the better part of an hour cleaning it with a product designed specifically for plastic bras, to little noticeable effect. I should replace it. However, I'm a bit sentimental about all the orange cones, and the one green Ford Taurus, I hit with it and from which it saved me. Also, it would be expensive to swap out and make no mistake, a 2004 Boxster S Anniversary Edition is simply a used car. No watercooled Porsche besides the GT3 or the Carrera GT will ever be worth much as a used car and this is no exception.
Why spend a whole day cleaning this old car? Partly as a preparation for my Accord, which will receive the same treatment on its much more expansive surfaces tomorrow. Partly just to get in touch with the Boxster and revive the enjoyment of owning it after all these years. This car and I have been through a lot together. Oil starvation while chasing Sam Hornish's GT3 through the famous Boot at Watkins Glen. SCCA National Solo events where it looked like I would trophy until I got too excited about it and started hitting cones. Dozens of late-night dates and many a secret rendezvous. If the Boxster could talk, I would be in trouble.
But mostly I wanted the ritual. Didn't the man tell us that “The real cycle you're working on is a cycle called yourself"? So when I think I'm performing this ritual, cleansing and purifying and protecting the Boxster, aren't I just doing it for myself? Isn't that worth something all on its own?
