147 Comments
User's avatar
Scott A's avatar

Remember when they locked elizabeth holmes up for the same shit? I'll give her them this, they're selling, dreams, deception, and fraud but they are not selling time

Sherman McCoy's avatar

She DID commit fraud.

They have raised money to attempt to do something. If they fail, it’s not necessarily fraud. In fact, it’s probably NOT fraud.

Scott A's avatar

She attempted to defy the laws of physics. If that's not aspirational, I don't know what is.

Sherman McCoy's avatar

A man would’ve gotten away with the deception 😉

Scott A's avatar

She could've married a nerd and left with half a billion dollars. As ROissy used to say, women would rather go to jail than sleep with beta males.

Henry C.'s avatar
3hEdited

heh.

The thread from that Roissyism to the existence of 'mugshawtys' is an unbroken one.

Scott A's avatar

https://www.instagram.com/mugshawtys/?hl=en

Half these chicks would get a 30 year old me in so much trouble.

Alex Nunez's avatar

"A Corvette with the top down sounds cool. The only cooler thing is a 4th-generation LS1 Trans Am with the top down, which is like a Miami speedboat for people who have sex exclusively with GED recipients."

Perfection. This is why I subscribe.

Jack Baruth's avatar

Thank you, as the old men on the porch used to say, for your support!

Rick T.'s avatar

For the young’uns:

https://youtu.be/dRYbF296964

Hard to believe we used to drink stuff like this. Boones Farm. Annie Green Springs…. 🤢

Henry C.'s avatar

Wine coolers I get. Zima on the other hand...

Curtis Brown's avatar

I understood that reference.

-Nate's avatar

I tried wine coolers, the preservatives gave me wicked headaches .

-Nate

Brian McCoy's avatar

It really is a perfect paragraph that I will probably remember for years.

Speed's avatar

who do guys with actual miami speedboats have sex with other than "whoever they want"

Donkey Konger's avatar

Presumably their cell mates after making an incompetent departure from Haulover Inlet and being sued into oblivion

S2kChris's avatar

Even in your new lightened state, don’t you outweigh the average skinny about 2:1? And they can’t fight? Somalis scare me about like wasps scare me, annoying but really NBD.

Scott A's avatar

Quantity has a quality all its own

Landon McMeekin's avatar

Problem is, if they stomp JB, nothing will be done. If JB knocks a few of them around in the process of making his escape, every traffic camera in the city will be reviewed to find the FASCIST in his BRO-DOZER. Unwinnable fight.

Jack Baruth's avatar

The problem is when you kill one and get tried by a white woman in front of an all Somali jury.

S2kChris's avatar

Meh you lay one or two out and just walk away. Not like they’re going to call the cops.

Jack Baruth's avatar

Why wouldn't they call the cops? The cops work for THEM. They called the cops on Nick Shirley MULTIPLE times. And it got Nick arrested.

Jack Baruth's avatar

I mean, a Somali cop flat out MURKED a white woman a few years ago and they handled it administratively.

Speed's avatar

gonna have to get covert ops with it

i gotchu

Gianni's avatar
18mEdited

In case you forgot about Officer Mohamed Noor killing Justine Diamond

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killing_of_Justine_Damond

A Minneapolis jury found Noor guilty of 3rd degree murder and 2nd degree manslaughter, but Minnesota Supreme Court overturned the verdict and set him free.

Noor shot Diamond while sitting in the passenger seat of his police car, firing across his partner when Diamond approached the driver’s side of the cruiser. She had called 911 about a disturbance in the alley near her house.

Noor was lauded as the first Somali officer and was part of a fast track training program. Prior to killing Diamond, he had 3 formal complaints against him. One was 2 months before the shooting, where Noor allegedly pointed a gun at the head of a driver he had pulled over for a minor traffic violation.

S2kChris's avatar

Where I come from the darkies don’t call the cops. Maybe it’s different there?

Drunkonunleaded's avatar

Somalis are protected by the state. They straight up don’t care about regular dudes in the hood.

Speed's avatar

somehow that became my peers through enough word twisting

calm's avatar

The right answer to MDG’s alternate car question from the other day: C6 427. Right price. Right sound. Right style.

Jack Baruth's avatar

Yeah it's been on my mind and prices aren't awful.

Donkey Konger's avatar

And one of your readers has one for you to test drive! IN EUROPE!

get thee to an airportery

(See last thread for the ACFfer in question)

Peter Collins's avatar

On form today, Jack. And that from a poor English boy who struggles with some of the references.

Terry Murray's avatar

“Fortunately, no casualties were reported in the incident. BYD clarified that the parking area contained only “test and scrapped vehicles,” meaning no customer cars were affected, and that production continued without disruption. Despite the fire, authorities and the Chinese automaker sought to ease public concerns over EV safety, maintaining that the incident was isolated.”

Move along. Nothing to see here. Cows turn themselves inside-out all the time.

Sherman McCoy's avatar

1-“[T]he Modern American Dream, where you just “make deals” and wait for a bigger fool to bail you out of what you’ve done.”

As opposed to … whining that no one will reward you with the JERB to which you are OBVIOUSLY entitled?

2-“Porsche GT3 sound bad.”

Everything Porsche unambiguously bad, always. Obviously.

In his dotage, Jack is beginning to exhibit signs of PMS: Porsche Madness Syndrome.

Because the GT car engines are the ONLY Porsches that sound good, and they sound better than ANY new Ferrari or McLaren stock-for-stock (modern Ferrari V12 too quiet).

3-I can see why Jack needed the “security blanket” of the Monster Truck to stand up to those Quality Learing Center layabouts.

Matthew Horgan's avatar

Burning Straw Men is the lowest form of sarcasm.

Jack Baruth's avatar

Unlike you I've run a GT2RS to redline multiple times a lap over and over again.I would rather listen to a G35 with the resonator pulled.

Sherman McCoy's avatar

1-Non sequitur, one of your favorite rhetorical flourishes.

2-The GT2 RS (both of ‘em) sound bad, because turbo Porsches always sound bad.

Jack Baruth's avatar

The flat six is not a great sounding configuration. Not even in a Tucker.

Sherman McCoy's avatar

Oh yeah it’s ALWAYS and UNAMBIGUOUSLY AWFUL:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQ8riM4qNwE&t=752s

Jack Baruth's avatar

That sounds like a gay version of my VFR800 at low revs.

Sherman McCoy's avatar

If I cared about what YOU thought might be GAY … I’d probably still be stuck as a time seller.

Sean's avatar

But they are smooth, or at least used to be, cant coment on the 4.0 and most cars today sound like shit.

Drunkonunleaded's avatar

This may be just nostalgia and ignorance, but the 997 is the only water-cooled generation worth owning. Proportions are right and they’re new enough to not feel dated in that used car way.

Scott A's avatar

" Flat-six engines generally sound awful"

I was going 79mph going west on 290 and a lovely sound flew by me in the triple. Some sort of ferrari. Then another lovely sound flew by me. A C6 or a C7, than a broken lawnmower flew by me. That was the porsche. "imagine buying that one"

This place really wants me to get a 4th gen trans am. I'l need the name of Jacks london tailor to custom fit me for a track suit.

Rick T.'s avatar
3hEdited

I don’t think track suits work with a mullet but I am missing the fashion gene.

Scott A's avatar

I really should have bought a trans am while I was rocking the mullet. The amount of white trash gals I could've pulled with a mullet, a trans am, and a street triple would have been.... about the same as I was pulling at that time in my life which was > 0

Sir Morris Leyland's avatar

"I HEAR THAT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN TRANS WOMEN. EXCELLENT CHOICE" -- Some Clanker

Matthew Horgan's avatar

The Allbirds thing is an elaborate joke, right? RIGHT?

Gave myself some hell today as I changed the ATV’s starter solenoid today in a sleet and windstorm when I realized it may just have been a janky connection at the battery negative terminal; but incompetence is so benign compared to ravening greed

Rick T.'s avatar

I hope it is. I just discovered them and had high hopes of keeping to my promise never to wear gym shoes - are they still called that? - with jeans as an old man. My wife has a similar promise to herself never to wear sweat shirts with pictures on them.

Harry's avatar

Just change that to "no socks with sandals" and you'll be fine.

Matthew Horgan's avatar

I just got a pair and now my heart gets broken!

Chris deZ.'s avatar

Flat six Porches sound like crap? You don't say! In December I bought a mid-engined Porch with a 4.0 (and a manual) and named it Chitty: because it sounds shitty and make sounds like Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang.

Jack Baruth's avatar

Authentic LOL.

Michael Sprouse's avatar

So, who's the American shoe manufacturer of choice now?

Scott A's avatar

The amish will make you a nice wooden one

Jack Baruth's avatar

Alden and New Balance.

Brian McCoy's avatar

I keep looking at Aldens but they just look kind of ...chunky? Very Maine. Still mostly buy Allen Edmonds, got enough that I'm mostly in the recruiting era.

Jack Baruth's avatar

Yeah Aldens are clunky. I have small feet (10.5) so it doesn't come off too badly for me

-Nate's avatar

The Aldens an AFC'er gave me (size 12) don't look chunky to me .

-Nate

Ronnie Schreiber's avatar

I see why you call him a clone.

Jack Baruth's avatar

Call whom a clone?

Ronnie Schreiber's avatar

Your son. From the angle of the shot the resemblance is striking. Oh, and if you were truly ugly, he wouldn't be here.

Ronnie Schreiber's avatar

Yesterday, while talking to my son on the phone, he handed it to my grandson. I asked him how he was. He replied, "I'm well," so I told him, "And somebody taught you English, too."

Ataraxis's avatar

That Venice Man Watch looks like something Gypsies would sell to Chinese tourists at an EU flea market.

Jack Baruth's avatar

Exactly. At the very apex of any hobby taste doesn't exist

Scott A's avatar

Just a bunch of nerds trying to out nerd each other. This even applies to money. Imagine making a billion dollars and wanting more to beat the other nerd who makes a billion dollars.

Ataraxis's avatar

My favorite billionaire fail is the never ending dick swinging to have the biggest yacht, only to realize they’re so long the yachts can no longer dock where the beautiful bikini girls like to be seen, they can only fit in the dirty industrial docks where the cargo freighters are.

It’s like guys taking steroids for big muscles but then their dicks shrink.

God is everywhere, and he’s got a sense of humor!

Scott A's avatar

Your dick stays the same size. Your balls shrink!

Ataraxis's avatar

I stand corrected. I never looked down in a gym locker room.

If I was a trans women in the girls locker room, I would have.

Steve Ward's avatar

well you could cosplay a trans woman .......

Jay's avatar

they can always invite the Meghan Markles to head over to the docks

Ataraxis's avatar

It’s all at the nadir. God bless the tasteless so that we can mock them.

Ronnie Schreiber's avatar

Am I wrong to assume that watch has some kind of complication that moves the dice roller's hands, or change the dice? Is there a video of that watch in action?

I don't care if it's based on a work of a grand master, it's rather ugly. I wonder what he would have done with Bruegel's Wedding Dance.

Ronnie Schreiber's avatar

When the DIA had Wedding Dance conserved/restored in 1941, they uncovered codpieces that had been painted over to censor the painting in the years since Bruegel. Some patrons of the museum were unhappy about that.

Dave Lemieux's avatar

Speaking of My Lai, Darryl Cooper’s podcast recounting the event should be a required listen!

Henry C.'s avatar

All of his podcasts should be.

Rick T.'s avatar

Thanks for the recco but dammit now it looks like I’m gonna need a longer commute.

Dave Lemieux's avatar

His new WW2, the German perspective, podcast is great and you’ll need an even longer commute.

Ronnie Schreiber's avatar

"Samuel Johnson, in his Lives of the Poets, writes this of William Congreve:"

That was brutal.

Rick T.'s avatar

In a just world, Nick Shirley and James O'Keefe would win all the Pulitzers and be considered reporting gods. Instead we have Woodward and Bernstein who got spoon fed all of their reporting by someone who had an agenda.

Jack Baruth's avatar

Not enough is said about that latter point. They really were useful idiots.

Rick T.'s avatar
2hEdited

If the phrase “too good to check out” ever applied…and as a follow on effect changed journalism from a cynical blue-collar job into a profession for Columbia graduates and similar.

I mean WTF is a journalism degrees. The five W’s and that’s about it. Father Guido Sarducci should have offered that as one of his $20 degrees. No one could have told the difference.

Lynn W Gardner's avatar

And they are both still idiots today, but give Woodward credit he has been milking that 15 minutes of fame for 50 years.

Drunkonunleaded's avatar

They’d never be famous had Forrest Gump not gotten shot.