The Critics Respond, Part Twenty-Three

PLEASE TAKE THIS RUBBISH DOWN AND NEVER PUT ANYTHING LIKE IT IN PRINT AGAIN.

Mr. Johnson, Professional Race Car Driver, is referring to this week's R&T column on merging. I wrote it to get people thinking about courtesy and shared responsibility on the road, but a few people have taken it really personally. Including Mr. Johnson.

As someone with precisely two "professional" sports car racing starts in his life and a total career win amount of, I think, $800, I was particularly chastened to be criticized by Michael Johnson, an Indy Lights driver who has battled through paralysis to be the first differently-abled person to receive an IndyCar license.

No, wait, that's a different Michael Johnson. The guy who wants me to retract my column is this guy:

Okay, begging for money to run at the last minute is part of every pro driver's life...

Okay, begging for a seat in LeMons isn't normally what you'd see Mark Webber or Nico Hulkenberg doing, but given Mr. Johnson's professional race record, which is...

uh...

...not anywhere I can find it...

maybe he'd be a good fit for a LeMons team. Just make sure you can afford his meals.

Oh, wait, here's his pro record. One race in Continental Tire.

Hey... I ALSO HAVE ONE RACE IN CONTINENTAL TIRE. With, I might add, a much better team.

So from now on, I'm going to call myself Jack Baruth, Professional Race Car Driver. Here's my pitch for more professional opportunities:

Hey, LeMons teams! Are you looking for a REAL PRO RACE DRIVER WHO RACES PRO RACES PROFESSIONALLY to race with you? For the limited-time price of FREE, I will do it! No, wait! I'll pay you! Fuck it! What? You don't have any room in your diesel-powered GMC Sonoma? Is it okay if I just come and watch? Is there any food left in the cooler? I'm hungry. Do they let people sleep on the bleachers at night? Do you have any extra socks?

What do you think?

Alright, maybe I'm breaking a butterfly upon a wheel here, but it's worth remembering: Very few people earn a living racing cars. Very few. And of those, the number of people who earn real money racing would all fit on half of a basketball court, shoulder-to-shoulder.

I actually like Mr. Johnson's hustle. Racing is his life. Which is also what Senna said. I wish I could say that racing was my life. I wish I could say, like Steve McQueen in LeMans, that everything else is just... waiting. But in reality racing is a small part of my life. So when a co-worker of mine, a fellow from West Africa who rolls a Benz he bought with his stock options from his last contract, said to me, "You are a father! Why do you continue this racing when your son depends on you?" I couldn't disagree with him. The most I could say was,

"I don't want to be the kind of person who quits racing, and I don't want my son to have a father who quits, either."

So there you go.