The Critics Respond, Part Thirteen

The tears of basement-dwelling Internet virgins taste like sweet nectar to me, which is why I treat myself to a fine steak dinner every time some anonymous mook suffers a serious case of pelvic inflammatory disease about my writing, my "Jack Baruth" persona (not to be confused with the guy who cried during August Rush) and my swaggerific lifestyle. But what did I write to get this particular fellow so upset? It was this:

Mercedes-Benz should formally apologize for the W220 and W210. Every customer who purchased a new S-Class or E-Class from those infamously troubled generations should receive a letter in the mail, hand-signed by Dr. Panzer Kampf-Wagen or whoever is running the show nowadays, apologizing for selling them an utter piece of junk. Hundreds of thousands of customers were basically swindled. They thought they were buying a Mercedes-Benz, not a cost-cut half-plastic embarrassment. Make it right. And throw them a little incentive towards the price of a new (and presumably better) Benz, just to make up for the abysmal resale on, say, the 2001 S430."

from the semi-infamous Christmas article where I called for, among other things, the end of Road&Track. The funny thing is that I got my wish: they rebooted the magazine with Larry Webster and Sam Smith and the rest of the crew and now I think it's considerably better, even on the months where they throw my contributions into the trash.

I wonder if this fellow owns a W220 S-Class. They're old enough now that even the most broke-assed of Best Buy assistant managers can buy one. Maintaining it, however, is another story, and they're rusting out now. Don't say I didn't warn you, kid!