Shreddin' For Harambe, Verse 2 (10 Year Anniversary)

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Hello friends. Ten years ago, we lost Harambe. His death is often played for laughs, but it was fundamentally tragic; it was yet another example of human carelessness causing animal suffering. Today, President Trump honored Harambe as a true patriot, which is reasonable; he was Texas-born and Ohio raised. In his last moments, he cared for a child.

We have a tradition here at ACF of sharing motorcycles, cars, and musical instruments in his honor. Traditionally this is restricted to paid subscribers but since I’m the owner of today’s subject item, I’m opening it to everyone. Want to see more? Hit that subscribe button, champ. Then you can send us what you have.

Today’s instrument is Paul Reed Smith Private Stock #3215. If you have no idea what that means: Paul Reed Smith makes absolutely perfect instruments for rich people who are crummy musicians, and Private Stock is for people who want the best of the best. There was a time in my life when I was playing a lot of music and spending a lot of money on guitars; at one point I had seven Private Stocks and maybe two dozen of the “Wood Library” and “Core” models. That collection has been cut down in the past years so I could do stuff like race a V-8 Radical and eat two meals a day.

This guitar was completed on October 7, 2011. It is signed on the headstock by Paul Reed Smith and Paul Miles, the head of Private Stock. The backplates are signed by Paul Reed Smith and David Grissom, who designed this particular model. The full leather case is signed by Paul Reed Smith. I bought this from Allan Clarke at Guitar Center’s Hollywood Platinum Room, where I was once disturbingly well-known:

those hollywood nights! and those hollywood hills!

If you’ve never had the chance to take delivery of an $11,000 guitar and put it directly into a Rolls-Royce coupe, I don’t even know how you’re getting up in the morning. (Scratch that; I don’t know how I am getting up the morning. You’re probably doing great.)

Anyway. I hadn’t played this guitar in more than a decade but I’ve been thinking about selling it in order to facilitate other acquisitions such as a Glashutte PanoLunarMatic and/or next week’s meals so I dragged it down to Columbus last night to back up my son at the Rambling House Jam. We had a great time but I made the mistake of relying on my ex-wife to actually take a picture of me playing it on stage, which she very gleefully did not do. No bitterness on my part, I put that woman through hell and if she doesn’t want to be my paparazzi who can blame her.

do you want a custom jack baruth pick? okay, okay, you don’t have to be a dick about not wanting one. you could have just said no thanks.

All Private Stock instruments are special but this one is doubly so because it has the “Celtic Knot” fretboard inlays of abalone and mother-of-pearl which are hugely labor intensive and are now a six thousand dollar option on their own. The cheapest new PRS to have them is the John McLaughlin which is $14,995 plus options. But my guitar has options beyond the Celtic knots, including figured mahogany back, neck, and tuner knobs. The wood is indecently nice. The top is an ultra-figured Koa in non-bookmatched configuration. The PRS Private Stock bird is rendered on the headstock as an outline in 18k yellow gold.

How does it play? That’s the most amusing part: it’s GRRRRRRREAT! Paul Miles is infamous for throwing Private Stocks into the woodchipper if they don’t play well, which is not a philosophy you will ever encounter in the Fender Custom Shop or even the Gibson Custom Shop. The wood isn’t just selected for fancy-looking-ness, it’s also filtered out by weight. So this violin-curved-top mahogany guitar looks like an eleven-pound Lester but it weighs about as much as any Fender Strat you’d take off the wall at a store.

As I reach what is charitably called late middle age I’ve decided that I’ll work harder to enjoy what I already have. I can’t go back in time and play this guitar for thirteen years in a row, but I can start playing it now. Or, I could sell it to you. Current listings on Reverb for PS-DGTs go from $10,500 to $22,000. Not a single one of them has Celtic knots. I will listen to any offer, of course, and give priority to trades of exceptionally fancy bass guitars for my son to throw into the trunk of his Accord like he is tossing a dead raccoon into a dumpster.

This won’t make you a better musician but it will gratify you in many different ways. The other guitarist at last night’s jam saw me bring it on stage and he said, “Youre. Fucking. Kidding. Me.” I could see just how much this immensely talented young man with fifty years of life ahead of him and not a single piece of metal in his body absolutely despised me in that moment. When I waved off a solo during “Isn’t She Lovely”, I think he literally put his head in his hands. You can’t get that kind of agitation with some lame-ass $4,799 Les Paul Custom!

From the astral perch to which he ascended when he was murdered by Hillary Clinton before he could share his secrets with the world, the great Harambe forms his mighty left hand into the E7#9 chord that characterizes “Purple Haze”, and sighs. “In the last ten years, we have all done so much to stifle the humanity in others, and in ourselves. Music is supposed to unite us. Is that the case when it’s played on a boutique instrument made for the most fortunate dentists, plastic surgeons, and recreational Substackers? After all, Willie Nelson played the same cheap acoustic his whole career. On the other hand, Coltrane played the mighty Selmer Mark VI. It’s a big tent. Let’s play together in the shadow of its embrace.” Come join me in the club, everyone.