No Dings Or Dents Except Those Added By Murphy
Although I like to complain to people about the "corksniffers" in the guitar collecting hobby, it's disingenuous of me to do so. After all, these are people after my own heart. We aren't musicians. To a musician, a guitar is a tool; they feel about their guitars the same way I feel about whatever race car I'm in on any given weekend. No, we are collectors. We venerate the thing, not the purpose.
Example:
If I had an extra four grand sitting around right now, I'd seriously think about this Murphy Aged Gibson R8. It's got the right neck shape --- the thick 1958 spec that works well with my oft-broken hands. It has the right top --- heavy, deep ribbon flame, like crushed velvet. It's Murphy aged, which means that the whole thing has been carefully fake-worn to look, feel, and play just like an old guitar. "Murphy aging" costs three or four thousand dollars on top of the Gibson MSRP. For example, my Gibson CC #1 retailed for $8999, I think, but the "Murphy Aged" one was $12,499. This guitar was amazingly cheap for the specs and the condition. I was seriously bout-it-bout-it, and then I read something in the ad that just made me laugh:
The guitar was “aged” by Tom Murphy, and has the look and feel of a well broken in guitar. The guitar is “as new” with no dings or dents except those added by Murphy. No mods/wear or issues.
No dings or dents except those added by Murphy. Now, if you look at the photos, you'll see the guitar has been dinged up a bit. But not to worry --- all of those dents are historically accurate dents added by Tom Murphy, famous guitar-aging specialist.
I'm envisioning the original owner standing in front of his music stand, getting ready to play the guitar, and someone asks him a question, and he turns and almost hits the headstock on the music stand. "Christ!" he exclaims, rubbing the end of the headstock like you would a sprained finger. "I almost damaged this guitar in a way that was not approved by Tom Murphy."
This is what I want to do: I want to go to this man's house with the money and ask him to examine the guitar with me prior to purchase. I'll lovingly run my hands along the top, the neck, the binding. At every wear spot I'll stop.
"Did Murphy make this dent?"
"Oh, yes," he'll reply.
"Are you sure? Because it looks like the kind of dent," and here I'll fix him with my steely glare, "that you would make." Then after I'm done torturing someone who is almost certainly a very nice person, I'll walk out with the guitar, trip on the front step, and drop it.
"Gibson R8 Murphy Aged," my ad will read, "with additional authentic relic wear."