Car Weak Retrospective Report Card

Natural Aspiration 02: Reflections on Monterey Car Week Through the Lens of the Late-90s North Georgia Yo-Yo Arms Race

(Nota Bene: Jack has recently shared his grievances regarding Monterey Car Week; herewith are mine.)

Although the global economy appears to be listing inexorably toward recession, depending - of course - on how you define that suddenly contentious term, unaware observers could be forgiven for concluding otherwise based on recent happenings on and around California’s Monterey Peninsula. Memorably, you gotta dance as long as the music plays.

Each year, Monterey Car Week becomes more concentrated, more distilled, more corporate. While traditional car shows are withering away, “Pebble,” as the insiders call it, and its European analog - the Goodwood Festival of Speed - grow larger and more extravagant annually. Even the grandest dame of legacy car shows, the Geneva International Motor Show, has been canceled for the fourth year running. Instead, the organizers are excited to announce the impending arrival of the Geneva International Motor Show Qatar, taking place next year in Doha, which is over 2,800 miles away from Geneva.

The climax, the anchor point for Car Week is Sunday’s Pebble Beach Concours d'Elegance, but the true focal point is now the grandiloquently-monikered “The Quail, A Motorsports Gathering,” which is the world’s most elevated, curated car show. The Quail takes place on Friday, and the weekend events are mere denouement in comparison. Take a look at the sponsor roster:

The Quail features exhibitions of both old and new hardware from manufacturers large and small, restomod concerns, and purveyors of wheeled vaporware, amply lubricated by libations and hors d'oeuvres. Based on a perfunctory analysis of my Instagram feed, these attendees are comprised of:

1. Employees of OEMs, for whom a few days of “work” in such a rarefied setting is a sacrosanct perquisite of their job

2. Journosaurs, many of whom genuinely believe that the entire circus exists primarily for their entertainment and titillation

3. “Civilians,” AKA people who might conceivably purchase a car, thereby generating a return on investment to justify the sponsoring exhibitors’ largesse. Without exception, every civilian attendee of this year’s event I personally know is a Fortunate Son who lives off of daddy’s cash, whether or not there exists the veneer of a day job intermediating their bank account and the paternal purse. Only this category has to purchase their own tickets, which cost four figures and are difficult to come by in any case.

Permit me an indulgent detour into my childhood before assessing last week’s avalanche of automotive product announcements. Readers of a certain age will recall the yo-yo craze of the 1990s; this trend didn’t arrive in my modest hometown in the North Georgia mountains until the latter years of the decade, attributable to our remote location and lack of widespread internet access. I was in third grade when things really took off.

Suddenly, yo-yos were available at several stores in town, and many of my classmates would bring theirs to school to play with during recess. I aspired to become a celebrated yo-yo collector, and I had several garden-variety, daily driver examples, as well as a Turbo Bumblebee, perhaps the 911 Turbo of contemporary yo-yos. I recall it costing $40 or $50 (in the late ’90s). Then one of my classmates, the beneficiary of financial rivalry between his divorced parents, turned up with a Silver Bullet II, which was constructed of aircraft aluminum, featured rim speeds exceeding 100 MPH, and cost roughly double my beloved Bumblebee’s price. Think of it as the junior supercar of yo-yos. The green-eyed monster raged within me, and I was crestfallen.

Fortunately, I had a birthday on the horizon. I inveigled to receive a Cold Fusion yo-yo as a gift, and - somehow - I was successful. The Cold Fusion represented the apogee of the Turbo Bumblebee ethos, expressed in anodized aluminum. It held numerous world records, arrived nestled in a commemorative wooden gift box, and came with a special glove to wear while exercising it, lest oils from the operator’s hand transfer to its precious surface. It also cost $200 in period. Think of it as the Singer 911 of yo-yos. Embarrassingly in retrospect, my Cold Fusion was memorialized in my birthday cake that year; pictures exist to prove it, to my chagrin.

Bizarrely, none of my peers were particularly impressed by my $200, world-beating yo-yo. With the benefit of hindsight, it was a breathtakingly tone-deaf gift for a sheltered kid entirely unaware of the differences in his lifestyle and that of his peers, many of whom had parents struggling to make ends meet.

Fortunately, I have outgrown such fatuous frivolities, but it seems this year’s Car Week offerings are perfectly tailored for the grown-up yo-yo collector who must have something more expensive, more exclusive, more impractical, more extreme than everyone else. Almost without exception, the 2022 crop of debutants struck me as more meretricious than meritorious. Selected lowlights below:

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Porsche 911 GT3 RS

Porsche launched its new GT3 RS last week, complete with borderline ridiculous aerodynamic features and no front trunk (or “frunk”). The lack of frunk is just fine, Porsche says, because this is a track car. The massive hood vents that channel hot radiator air eliminate the front storage space but will channel superheated air right into the cabin during mandatory windows-down track days. Out back, the wing is so large that Fonzie could remove it, saw it in half, and fashion a pair of water skis for the next time he’s jumping the proverbial shark. It will cost well north of $300,000 delivered.

Grade: C+

Singer Turbo Study 964 Cabriolet

If a new, wasserboxer 911 is insufficiently fulfilling or exclusive for you, ring up Singer, who are “studying” new ways to sell beautifully resto-modded Porsches for the thick end of a million dollars. This will be their first convertible offering, and it will only come with turbo power. All Singers to date are based on the 964 chassis, the penultimate air-cooled Porsche.

Grade: B

Gunther Werks Project Tornado

If Singer won’t take your money, you can visit upon Gunther Werks, which also has a new, California-built, high buck, hi-po, turbo 911 on offer. The Tornado is based on the 993, the final air-cooled platform, and has a peak output of 700 hp.

Grade: B-

Tuthill 911K

Should you strike out at both Singer and Gunther Werks, you can see if Tuthill, the UK-based 911 specialists, will sell you a car. The 911K’s party piece is its 3.1 liter naturally aspirated flat-six with four-valve heads and an 11,000 RPM redline, good for 350 hp. It’s based on an older, smaller 911 than the alternatives listed above, and it weighs under 1,900 pounds.

Dan Prosser, writing for The Intercooler, seems very excited about the upcoming 911K; he should be mindful that his babymama works for Singer, lest he end up sleeping on the couch like his mate Jethro. Who knew these mild-mannered Brit car journos were such devotees of Hoodville?

Grade: B+

RUF Bergmeister

If you want a supremely expensive, highly modified air-cooled 911 but insist on having a non-Porsche VIN number, you can transact with RUF. The Bergmeister has a 3.6 liter turbo flat-six making 450 hp. It does not have a roof.

What is the total addressable market for resto-modded air cooled cars with prices at multiples of anything Porsche sells? There were four different cars announced this week alone!

Grade: D

Aston Martin

I am deeply confused by what’s going on in Gaydon. Last year Aston Martin launched its limited edition V-12 Speedster, an open-topped car for fair weather days only; output was limited to 88 units. Just a year later, Aston Martin has launched another V-12 open-topped limited edition - the DBR22, which is capped at 10 units and will cost north of $1.8 million.

For those who were unlucky enough to receive either last year’s open-topped V-12 or this year’s iteration, Aston Martin has another limited edition, V-12 option available - the V-12 Vantage Roadster, which is limited to 249 units and will cost around $350,000. The Roadster features a conventional convertible top.

This is an unconscionable effort from a company in a precarious financial position; Aston Martin has arisen phoenix-like after seven prior bankruptcies. Will it - can it? - happen again?

Grade: F

Bentley Batur

If you are in the market for a gentleman’s conveyance hailing from the British Isles, and you (1) don’t pretend you’re James Bond, or (2) are worried about your hair plugs becoming dislodged (i.e., you need a coupe), or (3) have doubts over Aston’s status as a going concern, you may be the ideal customer for Bentley’s new Batur.

The Batur simultaneously heralds the arrival of Bentley’s new design language that will feature in its forthcoming EVs and serves as the swan song for the W-12 power plant. Talk about, ahem, self-gratification! The Batur costs $2.0 million, is limited to 18 units, and delivers 730 hp. It also doesn’t look like a Bentley!

Grade: D+

McLaren Solus

Let’s say that you’re an Anglophile, you have millions of dollars to spend on a toy, and you weren’t bestowed the opportunity to purchase either of the Astons or the Bentley. McLaren has a new, single-seat track car based on a video game concept.

McLaren, ever the brand to shoot itself in the foot, has decided to name its new $4.0 million, limited edition (25 units) plaything the Solus, which sounds like “soulless.” I had thought it would be challenging to make a car with a screaming, purpose-built Judd V-10, the fastest McLaren ever outside of its Formula One cars, come across as anything like bereft of soul, character, passion. They’ve managed it!

This is the same brand that used the following tag line at Amelia Island the last time I was there (2019):

Just rolls off the tongue, right?

Grade: D

Czinger 21C V Max

How many cars has Czinger delivered to customers? None.

Naturally, Czinger has introduced a more focused version of its “standard” performance car, the 21C.

The 21C V Max has a 2.9 liter turbo V-8 hybrid that delivers 1,250 hp on a combined basis. Apparently, this car can do the quarter mile in 8.1 seconds and handle the 0-250-0 MPH test - something that you always see in the buff books’ instrumented testing, right? - in 27 seconds. Maybe in the metaverse.

Grade: Incomplete

Czinger Hyper GT

Czinger is on a roll! You might assume that the company would focus on getting its first product across the finish line before developing a fulsome line of cars for those who developed drag strips in Zuck’s pretend-world; apparently not. The Hyper GT incorporates the same 2.9 liter turbo V-8 hybrid as the 21C V Max, which will allow you to scare three imaginary friends with the car’s accelerative abilities.

Curiously, the Hyper GT’s greenhouse and C pillar rather closely resemble the Cadillac Escala concept…

Grade: Incomplete

Bugatti Mistral Roadster

Bugatti’s final quad turbo W-16 powered effort will be a Chiron roadster limited to 99 units; pricing kicks off at a lowly $5.0 million. I find it the ugliest of all Chiron variants, personally.

The name - Mistral - references a gusting wind that blows across the South of France; the Provençal phenomenon has also been name-checked by Maserati and Nissan in the past (two of Bugatti’s natural competitors).

At least one Mistral owner will refer to it as a “mistrial” on YouTube and / or TikTok.

Grade: C

Koenigsegg CC850

In the event the $5.0 million Bugatti is too dear, Koenigsegg’s throwback to the company’s first production car - the CC8S - can be had for roughly $3.0 million (a 40% savings).

The CC850 makes 1,385 hp (on ethanol) from a 5.0 liter turbo V-8. Power is delivered through a “Lightspeed” gearbox that can be operated as a clutched manual with six gears or as an automatic with nine gears. No word on whether the supplier was ZF, BorgWarner, Tremec, or Rube Goldberg.

What’s the warranty on a Koenigsegg?

Grade: C

Range Rover SV Carmel Edition

The arrival of an all-new Range Rover is rare occurrence: the latest effort is only the fifth such introduction. I have seen a few on the road recently, and I like the handsome modernization of the historical silhouette. Still, some enhanced off-road chops, some recognition of The Best 4X4XFAR heritage wouldn’t go unappreciated.

Finally, a new Range Rover to take up the mantle of the lionized Land - and Range - Rovers that traversed the un-traversable and helped sell cigarettes!

Sorry, I misread that. This isn’t a new Camel Trophy Edition; it’s the new “Carmel Edition.” What a difference a letter makes.

The Carmel Edition is a high-end trim level that costs $345,000 and has an interior outfitted in white ceramic trim, which immediately makes me think of a toilet. The Carmel Edition is limited to 17 units for American customers only; it was launched at a private party last week, and on-the-ground correspondent Jonny Lieberman excitedly relayed that all 17 were sold to people in attendance. He was there; is he getting one? Would be a superb long-term test car.

Grade: D

Lamborghini Urus Performante

For those left in the cold by the Range Rover SV Carmel Edition’s skimpy production, there’s a new Lamborghini Urus available.

The Performante has slightly more power, slightly less weight, and a carbon fiber hood, which will get scratched when someone lounges on it at a night club valet while wearing jeans with rhinestone appliqué on the back pockets.

Grade: F

Lucid Air Sapphire

Lucid, not content to focus on delivering as many units of its volume trim-level Air sedans as possible, has launched a tri-motor flagship that costs $249,000 and has a bear motif (because California) stitched into the headrest.

It produces “more than 1,200 hp” and will run an 8 second quarter mile.

It won’t please those who dislike LIV Golf - Lucid exists courtesy of significant Saudi PIF funding - but I am quite intrigued by the Tesla topper.

Grade: B+

KIA EV6 GT

What if you were a regular Joe who snuck into the Quail? What if you wanted something affordable, something practical, something you could actually buy at your local dealer? Was there anything on offer for you?

Enter KIA’s EV6 GT, with a few caveats. KIA hasn’t announced a price yet, but I suspect it won’t be seven figures - or even six figures - but instead five figures. How many will KIA build? A few hundred units, maybe a thousand? What if KIA just … built one for everyone who ordered one? That would be revolutionary in the context of the Quail class of 2022.

The top spec EV6 has a total output of 576 hp and a claimed 0-60 MPH time of 3.4 seconds. No word on range yet.

Grade: B+

Miscellaneous Others

Doubtless, despite my best efforts at a comprehensive assessment of the most notable cars that broke cover last week, I have overlooked some products, such was the sheer volume of press releases and blather. We can safely conclude that those garnering limited mindshare would have returned poor grades, as well.

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So, what to do with all of these vanities, these indulgences, these vainglorious trophies commemorating next to nothing? Readers who have clocked the reference in my nom de plume will know what’s coming: We’ll need oxygen, heat, and fuel to start a bonfire. We can use my old yo-yos as kindling and rely on the EVs to keep the party going!

(All product photos courtesy of the respective manufacturers)