Ask Jack: When Two Become One

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any longer of a shutter speed and you’d have seen it stop for unscheduled service

The Extremely Online Car Crowd, when they aren’t busy experiencing a disturbing degree of sexual excitement over frightening images like this:

trigger warning: contains last-place beauty-pageant contestants, chins, automatic transmission

I already regret posting that picture. What was I saying? Oh yes. The Extremely Online Car Crowd likes to talk about two-car solutions. Day and night. On every forum and website. There are even single-purpose social-media pages devoted to the idea. What’s so attractive about it?

Well, we all know that there’s no one car that does everything well. But it’s also hard to make room for more than two cars unless you live in some kind of weird white-supremacist compound where you can have 12 cars in a barn or something. So the two-car solution feels like a safe middle ground.

Today’s Ask Jack comes from a fellow — let’s call him Jared — who has an absolutely brilliant two-car solution… but wants to slim things up a bit.

I'm slouching closer and closer to replacing my '08 Porsche Boxster S and '10 Mercedes S600 with one fun car to rule them all.  The new fun car will combine the use cases of both cars, where it leaves the garage two to three times a week to enjoy spirited drives and occasionally share daily duty with my '05 BMW X5 and wife's '06 Saab 9-5 SportCombi.  Really just getting bored of the Porsche and scared of ongoing maintenance on the V12.  But there seem to be very few cars that fit the Venn diagram of my requirements:

Under $50k,

Mandatory three pedals,

Can fit my 6'4" headroom-limited frame (I have the torso of a 6'10" man),

Relatively light of weight, and

No fewer than eight cylinders.

A lot of the comments on the article circled back to Corvette/Mustang/Camaro, and the headroom in those cars is a range between "combed hair is restyled by the headliner" to "staring at my crotch because I can't contort myself any further".  The 987 has about the least amount of headroom I can tolerate, even for an occasional-use car.

Very curious about the following that I haven't been able to drive quite yet:

Aston Martin V8 Vantage (took a shellacking in the comments, but that noise cannot be ignored)

BMW E93 M3 (not very light at two whole tons, but I like the noise)

Dodge Viper RT/10 gen 2 (can't do Gen 1 because no a/c in Phoenix is a death wish)

Panoz Esperante (probably the least pricey exotic to maintain, given most of it is a Mustang)

As for what I have driven, I'd be curious about your take on the following:

BMW E60 550i (could replace the X5 as well, plus I don't fit in an E39)

Cadillac CTS-V gen 2 (barely fit, but it's workable, and great noises too)

Mercedes SLK55 AMG manual-swapped (love, love, love the M113 power delivery, plus Benz DIY is second-nature to me having owned four)

I'm needing to take a step back from my own paralysis of the analysis, and curious to see what other people who aren't my loving bride have to say on the subject.

Well, this is a bit of a misleading headline, isn’t it? Because he really has a three-car solution but wants to reduce his “fun car” fleet to one, using the X5 when he needs something different.

To me, the solution here is obvious: a six-speed Challenger T/A. But our friend Jared did say “light of weight”, probably to keep me from suggesting it. I don’t care, I’m going to bring it up anyway. The T/A Chally with the 392 is a simply delightful automobile. Capable of track work but not deformed by its requirements, roomy for grownups, sounds good, looks cool (to the non-Euro demographic) and won’t cost a million dollars to run.

However, Jared is a paying subscriber and therefore I will work with his requirements AS STATED. Let’s go through his list:

• Aston V8 Vantage: Not fast, not cool, not cheap to run, not roomy, not anything… but all that aside, let’s not pretend that they have no appeal, because the stick-ones in particular are awfully nice. I just don’t see the thing being any cheaper to run than an S600, and God help you if an S600 challenges you to a drag race.

• Droptop V8 M3: Why not? They’re great cars. If you can find one in good shape, I don’t see any reason not to.

• Viper Gen 2: I love these cars but you gotta be a Viper guy. Which means you either dream about Vipers day and night, or you shouldn’t consider owning one. Until the 3rd gen they’re not “real cars”, if that makes sense. It’s like owning a kit car.

• Panoz Esperante: Lovely cars, and the Avezzano is even more so, but you’re really taking a flyer. Can you insure it? Can you fix it? Will you be willing to leave it anywhere parked? And while “most of it is a Mustang”, that’s like saying that most of a Zimmer Quicksilver is a Fiero. Technically true, but the Mustang stuff won’t be the stuff you have to fix.

And the list of wacky ideas:

• E60 550i: I’d be tempted to keep the S600 and keep rolling the dice on it. The 550i’s sole advantage over the big Benz is that you can shift it yourself. Everything else is like 85% as good. How much do you want a manual transmission?

• CTS-V gen 2: If you really fit in it. The coupe might be better than the sedan in that regard. I like these cars and liked driving them on track.

• Manual swap SLK55: I’d put this in the same category as the Viper and the Panoz. You have to be what my former colleagues in the county jail called BOUT IT BOUT IT.

Alright, Jared. Let’s dig into your reasons for the change. You’re bored with the Boxster S, which makes sense because those cars don’t really come alive until you’re sideways at freeway-plus speeds. You’re worried about the S600 costs, and maybe you’re not that in love with it anymore, because if you were the costs wouldn’t bug you.

There’s one car that is just screaming out for your consideration, although it fails one of your requirements: a 997 Turbo convertible. Maybe a very nice 996 Turbo X50 convertible. You like Porsches. This is a Porsche. It’s faster than the Boxster and in the neighborhood of the S600. There are stick-shift cars out there. You’ll fit in it. I almost never recommend a 911 to anyone anymore because I’m so sick of the Porsche brand. But you’re an exception. You’ll be around that $50k mark but you will probably have to stretch to get a car with no stories.

Another idea: a stick-shift 360 Spyder. More money but it’s also more car. I get the sense you’re willing to endure a little drama with your fun car, given the list you provided. And these are closer to $90k, so I feel bad suggesting it.

You and I aren’t that different: I was once six-three with a long torso before I shattered my various legs and hips and whatnot. I kind of think you’ll be happiest with a C7 Grand Sport. Just remove the targa top. You’re only driving it in good weather anyway. If I can drive a C7 with the roof on, wearing a helmet, you can do it with the roof off, bare-headed.

It’s a twelve-second car with a seven-speed manual box, brilliant handling, and at least 987-grade interior appointments. Likely to be reliable and all the parts are obviously still out there. It has no Euro cred but let’s face it: if you want real Euro cred now you gotta spring for something like what Alanis Chin up there is driving, and if you can afford a GT3 RS you can afford a Revolution, and if you can afford a Revolution you should get a Revolution.

Let me close by suggesting another wacky idea: sell, the Benzo, keep your Boxster and go Renegade Hybrid with it. That actually meets all of your requirements: You already know you fit, it’s lightweight, it has three pedals, and it has a V-8. There’s nothing wrong with a Boxster that an LS3 can’t fix. And you’re not frightened of kit cars and transmission swaps, so this wouldn’t be an automatic deal breaker for you.

No matter what your choice is, however, don’t get too paralyzed about it. You still have a car to get to work, after all. We’ll hand it over to the ACF peanut gallery after this fine video from Mrs. Christian Horner and her friends. Which Spice Girl was your favorite? I always liked Mel C the best.